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2007-09-17 - 11.30pm previous entry next entry
Just because it touched my heart....
I was reading Sarah's blog and followed the link to Boothe's. Please pray for Boothe and Conor. Their baby girl will be delivered tomorrow and she has Triosomy 18. She is not expected to survive long after birth. Her name is Copeland. These people have the most INCREDIBLE faith in God. They inspire me.
Then I followed a couple of Boothe's links (you know how it is with the old clicky-clicky late in the evening when you should really be sleeping or something else useful!), and read the entire of Mandy's blog for her daughter Madeline, who was born with Triosomy 18 and died the next day. I read an entire Caringbridge journal about a baby who died 5 days after birth, though not due to Triosomy 18, but I can't seem to find the link again now.
Reading about Madeline, I was just sobbing my heart out. Oh it makes my heart ache SO to think of the kind of grief that must be entailed, to carry a baby that you are SO bonded with, and then to kiss their sweet little features and say goodbye to them so very soon after you meet them. I can't fathom it. I just couldn't see for crying about those babies and their families.
Neil went out to the supermarket late this evening, to pick up some things we've run out of for tomorrow. It's 11.30pm now and he's just got home with them. So I guess I was reading this stuff between 10 and 11.15pm or something. Just exactly at the point where I was getting waaaay too upset and past the point where I could pull myself together, and praying to God that my own tiny baby will be okay, Matthew woke. Not at a time he usually does. He just did. I think he had a dream or something, because he just cried like he was lost and needed his mama. I went and spoke softly to him and rubbed his sweet back, and dripped tears on him, and he went back to sleep. I was so grateful for that moment to connect with one of my precious babies, to touch his warm, healthy little body and thank God that I have him here with me.
He went back to sleep with just me rubbing his back, and then as I left his room, I heard Arthur stir! Arthur never wakes really, any more. It was quite uncanny that they should both wake so close together, one after the other, and at that precise moment where such a thing was such a HUGE blessing to me. I went in to his room and found him sitting up in bed. I gave him a drink of water, and patted him gently when he lay back down. He was barely awake, but hopefully he heard me tell him how much I love him before he fell asleep again. I kissed his sweet face and thanked God for having him here with me, and came back downstairs still tearful but just feeling so blessed and lifted up.
I'm sooooo thankful for my children. I love them so so very much, like I could never put into words. As I type this, my tiniest sweetheart is giving little kicks, still so light and tiny that they barely make my tummy "blip" visibly. But what a precious thing! To have my two precious sons sleeping upstairs, as near to me as they can be and as far from me as I can bear to let them be. And still snug inside me, another baby-mine, growing and developing and getting ready to join our little family. I hope and PRAY he or she is healthy, especially after I read things like I have tonight.
One of the days last week that I was waiting for hooours at the hospital to see a doctor about my bleeding (MUST update my pregnancy diary soon!), I was sitting in the main waiting area, which is mostly occupied by pregnant women waiting for their scans. I had to sit there for a couple of hours in total, and I mostly read my book, but sometimes I did a bit of sneaky people-watching (I do love that sport, hehe!). I especially love pregnant-people-watching! Anyway, somewhere during the time I was in the waiting room, I saw a lady get called in for her scan, at last - she had been waiting a while. She got up with a smile and went in. Judging by her little bump, it must have been the "big scan" (the one I'm coming up for in just TWO WEEKS, wheeee!), but she was on her own. I went back to my book and then the next scan room called another lady in with like HALF her family! ;) I read on, and then I looked up to see the sonographer from the single lady's room come out and go into the family's room. She came back out with the other sonographer, and they went into the single lady's room together. Eventually, one of the sonographers came out with an arm around the lady who was crying, and she took her to the toilets. My heart was instantly in my mouth and I felt so anxious for that lady, about what must have happened - what had they seen, and what news had she been told? I got called away to have my obs taken and when I came back the lady and her husband (who had arrived) were just leaving the "interview room" (as it says on the door), which has always given me a feeling of dread, as I never imagined it was for "good" interviews. They looked shocked and the lady looked like she had been crying a lot. A doctor was directing them somewhere else in the hospital at the doorway, and they headed in that direction.
They have been on my mind such a lot since. I don't know what the prognosis is for their baby, or if it's even alive. It seemed scary to me, to see a lady who was happily waiting for a normal scan have her whole life turned upside down in a matter of minutes. Something devastating has happened which can't be turned around, and nothing will ever be the same or feel the same as it did when she was sitting in that chair waiting to be called in. It made me anxious about the same kind of thing happening to me. You just never know, I suppose.
I know, I'm just being pregnant and overly anxious, but still. I will be so relieved when we get to our scan if all is well with the little one. This scan is called the "anomoly scan". They are looking for things that might be wrong with the baby. I hope they find NOTHING! I don't care what the gender is, though I'm eager to find out! I just long for a healthy baby to add to my small brood of sweet little ones at home!
And that should all have been in my pregnancy journal. Oh well! It's super late now so I must go to bed. This wasn't what I meant to write next time I wrote here, but it just had to be written. I will try to write the usual stuff and POST PHOTOS soon!
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