Email me
2007-06-13 - 11.53pm previous entry next entry
A letter to my tiny birthday boy
There are seven minutes left until the 14th of June begins, and I just can. not. believe. that means it's Matthew's first birthday! My baby boy is one!! Almost. He wasn't born until 10.45pm so he won't technically be a year old until late tomorrow after he's been in bed a good while. Today has marked the first anniversary of my cervical sweep, as I was almost a week overdue and getting desperate! ;) It worked, anyway, and my sweetie bean was born the next day :) I was not in labour at all this time a year ago, though. No contractions yet, I don't think.
I can't believe a whoooole year has passed! In some ways it feels like TEN years (!), but in others, it's like I blinked and it's vanished!
I never did write letters to Arthur on his birthdays. I don't know why. It was always something I wanted to do, and even planned to do, but I never got around to it or something. With Matthew I have already written him one spontaneous letter and tonight I just FELT like writing him another letter. I am not sure I like that - the way even when I WANTED to, I haven't yet written a thing to Arthur, but I seem to be having more outpouring emotive stuff towards Matthew. I hope that doesn't mean I feel sort of "wrongly" differently towards them? Right now, I am besotted with Matthew. I always have been. And I love Arthur completely, too. But maybe it's that Arthur is TWO and sometimes holds me at arms length and makes me want to pull my skin off?! ;) Matthew hasn't yet reached that darling stage, and he is still just soft and squidgy and dimply-smiley (he has a dimple in his left cheek, just EXACTLY like mine! I think I have forgotten to mention that here all this time), and adores me without rebelling, nuzzles and cuddles me frequently on a whim, and is just a pure baby delight! I know our days are numbered with the above blissful stuff, but I'm excited about his next (more turbulent!) year all the same.
I just can't believe that already, Matthew has gone from this:
To this:
Dear Matthew,
I can't believe you are about to have your first birthday! It seems like no time has passed since you were in my tummy. I even remember what it felt like, clear as day, to have you move around inside me and to feel your little limbs with my hand on my tummy.
I think about your birth all the time. All the time. I love to re-live it in my mind! I remember the pain, but that part is so faded now. All I can think about is the joyful bit of your actual arrival, and how hectic and unexpected it was! You were born right here at home in the living room, into Daddy's hands. Nana and Grandy were here too, and they saw you arrive. It was just us, my treasure, and I'm so glad! Daddy says you were born alert. I was on my hands and knees when you were born, so you were facing up at the ceiling as you came out. When Daddy could only see your forehead and eyes, before any of the rest of you was born, your eyes were WIDE open, staring up into the room. We discovered that this was just part of who you are, as you have always been such an alert and interested baby.
I could write forever about your first year. So much has happened and you've done so many new things and changed so very much! You love your brother and he loves you, and we have so enjoyed watching you play together and seeing your relationship develop.
I love everything about you that I can possibly think of. You are so much fairer than Arthur, with your lighter hair and blue eyes. You look so different as well! You have Daddy's "layout", of your facial features and your head shape. You look a lot like Grandad, Daddy's Daddy, who died while you were still in Mummy's tummy. We gave you Grandad's name for your middle name, and you somehow look a lot like him, even though you generally look more like Mummy than Daddy.
I love your sweet little face. I love that you have one dimple when you smile, in your left cheek, just like me! I love the shape of your eyes when you smile mischievously! I love how soft your cheeks are when I kiss them. I could kiss your cheeks forever, without stopping!
You are just the sweetest love. You have a wonderful giggle. Every time you giggle or make your sound that is the start of a laugh, everything in me just flips over with a huge surge of love for you. I love to make you happy. I'm sorry for when I get impatient with you, when you are still so little.
I wish time would slow down so that you could stay this little for longer. It's rushing by so fast, and the days will disappear where you snuggle into my neck when I hold you before I put you into your cot at bedtime. One day you won't be breastfeeding any more, and that's such a sad thought for me! I love breastfeeding you so much! You sign for milk ever so sweetly these days - such an earnest look in your eyes as you try to communicate with me, and your little fingers all open and close randomly instead of the usual whole-fist opening and closing! But I know it's your way of asking me for milk. It's unique to you.
You ARE unique, Matthew, and I love you so much.
Your next year is going to be so busy for you! You will learn to walk and talk and run and jump. You will grow and grow, and play with Arthur in many more ways than you're able to now. You will become a big brother yourself, because Mummy is going to have another baby - a new baby brother or sister for you and Arthur. When your next year comes to an end, you will be a really BIG boy, just like Arthur is now! I can't imagine that at all, but it is sure to come just as quickly as your first birthday has, if not faster.
I just wanted to tell you, as you turn one year old, how much I love you, and how much I have cherished this first year with you. I will always treasure it and miss it when it's gone. But, because you are you, and because there isn't a dull moment with you around, I am eagerly looking forward to each year to come as you get older.
I wish I could put into words my feelings for you. I think we might end up with lots of children in our family, but you will always have your own special place in Mummy's heart. You will always be my lambie, my Mathsie. Happy Birthday little precious. I love you so.
Mummy xxxxx
Recent entries.....
Moving time... - 2009-01-04
Christmas Eve! - 2008-12-24
Long-overdue update, a few Nathey pics and a video clip :) - 2008-12-01
Lots of news! - 2008-11-03
Nathan at 8 months... - 2008-10-12