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2006-09-25 - 11.30pm previous entry next entry
Playgroups_and_church_and_more_photos
Sooooo tired. But I really wanted to post those other photos that I didn't get to post last entry! And write about the week we've just had.
Last week was the beginning of Operation: Organised Mummy! ;) We started going to playgroup again, but not just one on a Wednesday morning. We went to the one round the corner (the one we went to before Matthew was born) on Monday and Wednesday morning. On Tuesday morning I would have taken the boys to another mother-and-toddler group run by my church, except that I had to go and see the doctor again - what a FUN FUN trip out that was, with the doctor running late and one cranky screaming boy (Matthew) and one tear-around-madly-defying-everything-Mummy-says boy. In a busy waiting room, where we were obviously the best entertainment on offer to the various spectating patients around us. Yeurgh. I really went to talk to the doctor about stress, haha! Once I'd wrangled the boys noisily into the doctor's office at last (she was wonderfully helpful at helping me get in the room and settle the boys), and sank breathlessly into the chair, it almost sounded like a joke to say, "I'm here to talk about stress management!"
Anyway, she has referred me for a stress management course. It's group therapy, and there's a 4-6 month waiting list. So there we go. I'm glad to have the ball rolling on that one. Also she gave me more medication for my stomach ulcer, because I am still getting symptoms and she thinks it's going to take longer to heal than she had anticipated, ugh. Oh well. Also she thinks some of my pain is due to other bowel stuff so I have to take some GROSS stuff every morning to fix that. And she prescribed Matthew some different cream for his eczema - did I tell you he has mild eczema, on his back, chest and neck, and up into his hair behind his ears, the poor little love. It's just spotty and raised and itchy for him, and he claws at it and screams when it's bad. Anyway, I'm hoping the new cream will sort it out for him, but no improvement so far.
So anyway, next Tuesday (tomorrow) we are going to the other playgroup. Then on Thursday we had Fellowship Group which is really a mother-and-toddler group again, but more for the mothers than the toddlers this time! It was at a cafe in town and Thursday was weirdly hot and in the end I couldn't face the drive/park/walk MILES from the nearest parking space in the heat palava. So we didn't go. But I put the boys down early for their naps and that way they were up early enough for us to try out the soft play hour at the local leisure centre! I am so proud of myself!! :) I even managed to phone Katie an hour before we went and ask if she and her little ones were free to join us, and they WERE, so that was nice. It was okay, and Arthur had a lovely time, running around like crazy and throwing himself around rather scarily on the bouncy castle! But it wasn't the best soft play area I have seen, and the floor was normal hard carpeted floor with a few gym mats scattered around. Arthur tripped over the edge of one and went flat on his face on the hard floor. He cried sooo much, which is unlike him so I guess he must have really hurt himself. I was holding Matthew in my arms but he was so beside himself that somehow my anguish over him getting hurt boosted my strength enough to pick him up in my other arm, and cuddle them both for a while. When he could breathe again, Arthur asked for milk and because he was hurt, I really wanted to give him that comfort. But I haven't nursed Arthur in public since.... well, I can't remember really. Maybe not since he turned one. I get looks and while I don't care one JOT about what anyone thinks.... I sort of DO if I'm honest, somewhere inside, or rather, I just hate to get looks about anything. It upsets me, even when I absolutely should not let it. So it's just easier to not breastfeed him in public.
So I found it actually quite hard to let go of that and just breastfeed him right there and then. It felt like more of an unusual thing because I also had a baby in my arms and it was my older child who was breastfeeding! But I tried to squash any difficult feelings and just focused on giving Arthur some comfort. I sat us down in the corner on a mat which was all piled up with soft play blocks. He didn't want to feed for very long - it always AMAZES me how fast breastfeeding can comfort a child. I read about it on breastfeeding forums before Arthur had reached toddlerhood, and was interested to hear about mothers saying how they are finding it the ultimate comfort for their toddlers. Now that I'm there, I have to say it's true. Arthur can hurt himself BADLY and be bleeding, and yet a quick snuggle at my breast will comfort him amazingly quickly, and instantly too. And he is often cheerfully heading off with me still trailing him, trying to mop up blood or something! If for any reason I can't breastfeed him when he hurts himself enough to make him cry, he is distraught about the hurt part for way way longer. It also completely dissolves tantrums, frustrated moments, cranky moods of any kind - including those "Bah! I've just woken up! Leave me alone" moods, hehe! Arthur and Matthew share me in every way. I breastfeed them both on demand, pretty much. Arthur less these days, but he has nothing to envy Matthew in that department. If those things weren't enough, my milk is a fantastic source of nourishment for my toddler and full of immunities, which he DEFINITELY still needs at this time of year! I love breastfeeding! I love how many amazing benefits it has, and seemingly more and more the longer I do it for! I am SO proud of the fact that Arthur will soon be 2 years old (which is just craaaazy in itself!) and is still breastfeeding. I feel so happy about the fact that I will be able to say I am still nursing my 2-year-old. I always wanted to breastfeed him for a long time, till he self-weaned, but I had no idea how long that would actually be. I had my doubts over whether he'd still be nursing by 2 years old, but deep down 2 years was my ultimate goal. I mean, I don't have a set goal for how long I plan/want to breastfeed my children. I just knew I would feel sad if they self-weaned before the age of 2. So it is a big deal to me, that he'll still be breastfeeding at 2! Yay! :)
So anyway, soft play was okay. Arthur enjoyed himself, which was good! Matthew didn't cry much at all. I have discovered a new thing about Matthew. He is miserable in slings and lying down in the pushchair because he wants to SEE the whole world! This boy has been so incredibly alert since the night he was born, seriously. He never had a sleepy stage. He was alert and giving the camera inquisitive expressions from his first couple of days in the world, and one of the things we have noticed the most about him is how he stares and stares with his eyes as wiiiide open as possible, as though he wants to open them wider still just to get more in! Sometimes it looks a little odd, you can see the whites of his eyes all the way around, hehe! But he just is soooo eager to look around and take things in. When I told Neil about it, he told me something I didn't know before - that Matthew was born with his eyes wide open! He delivered Matthew so he was right there to see. I was on all fours so Matthew was delivered face-up, from where Neil was positioned. Neil said it almost unnerved him a little, to watch his little forehead come out and then these wide open eyes, hehe! To me, that totally describes Matthew as the person he is, although we had no idea at the time.
Anyway, I have found that if I wear him facing out in the Baby Bjorn at playgroup, he is alert and quiet and interested the entire time! He kicks and squeals with excitement all the way there as we walk along the streets, and his little head just jerks this way and that and I can hear his fast breathing as he enthusiastically takes in the world around him - it's so sweet! Sooo many people this week have come up to me and commented on how alert he is. They all asked me how old he is and then were very complimentary about him and his alertness :) They pretty much all mention his cute spikey hair too! Somebody complimented me on Arthur at the Monday playgroup too - a lady who is a childminder came over and asked his age, and when I told her, she said that she had been watching him play and that he was very mature for his age :) I just LOVE to be complimented on my boys! Love it.
Today I put Matthew on his back on the BabyDan mat thingy that came with the playpen that we used as a stair gate instead, and he rolled onto his tummy to his right as usual. Then he rolled onto his back in the same direction!!! My clever boo!!! So now he can roll from back to tummy, and tummy to back, but only in one direction. My Babycentre update this week had a link to some info about rolling, and I clicked on it to find out more, and it had rolling down as a 4-month milestone. It said that rolling in both directions, back to tummy and tummy to back was normally a 5-6 month milestone because of the muscle strength it requires. So we might have to wait a while before he's a-rollin' in both directions. But he's ahead of schedule already so maybe not as long as 6 months. I can't remember when Arthur rolled. Hmmm.... maybe I'll just look it up in my pregnancy diary?
Okay so Arthur first rolled (tummy to back) at 15 weeks and 6 days old, and then he had weeks and weeks of both legs in full-length plaster casts so I don't know when he might have rolled without them on, because they got rather in the way! Matthew has been so markedly stronger than Arthur from the word go, it's so interesting. The only thing I'm wondering about now is what to expect with his sleep. I mean, if he rolls in his cot, he'll hit bars in either direction and surely he'll wake or get hurt, or whatever, and cry. I have no experience of this because Arthur never once slept in a cot.
The other thing Matthew did today for the first time was use his tummy muscles to sit himself sooo far forward when we put him in his bouncy chair, that he actually ended up flopped forwards over the restraining harness! We sat him back again but he just clenched his abs straight away and tried to sit forwards. If we hold him lying back at all, his head and shoulders are constantly hunched forwards as he tries to sit up! He seems so eager to progress to the next thing all the time, whether his body is ready for it or not! I can see him just LONGING to do things that Arthur is doing already. He just watches him in awe, and I know he's going to just adore him and want to copy everything he does when he's a little bit older. Arthur's so busy and fast that he'll always leave poor Matthew behind until Matthew catches up in his motor development! But I know Matthew will try and try all the same.
So we have to pack up the Fisher Price Kick and Play and say bye-bye until next time! I can't believe we're doing this already! Matthew enjoys his Bumbo seat but he is still soooo little in it. He still brings up milk in there and cries after he's been in for a while, so we don't put him in it all that often yet. He enjoys being held sitting up on the floor and holds himself up quite well with support under his armpits. He also likes being sat on the sofa with his back against the sofa back or in the corner. He uses his tummy muscles to lean forward enough to explore his toys, but he doesn't topple forwards all that much. He likes to lie on the floor mat more than he used to now, because it gives him a chance to roll, and he can look at interesting toys that I put all around him. He LOVES that musical bug toy that was Arthur's favourite. Actually he seems eager and interested in any toy, even a basic teddy bear, but he particularly loves that bug. He is much more coordinated suddenly and can grasp, stroke and scrunch with both hands. He uses his new skills to grab things and try to draw them into his mouth! He just "eats" everything at the moment, and even sucks on our arms as we're holding him! He tries to suck his thumb and fingers a lot, but often doesn't like the taste of them if he's just brought up milk on them or something! Here he is "eating" that bug:
Oh, and something ELSE Matthew did today! He has nappy rash at the moment that we can't seem to get rid of with the various creams and stuff that the Health Visitor recommended. Arthur never got nappy rash unless he was teething, and Matthew is teething a bit these days so maybe that's it. But his skin IS more sensitive than Arthur's so I don't know if it's just that. Anyway, I gave him an hour of nappy-free time this afternoon to just let his bits air for a while. I put him on the mat and let him roll around. When he was on his tummy at one point, he looked up ahead of him and saw the bug about a foot or so in front of him, and he started to do this strange wriggling thing. I called Neil in to see, and we just sat there agog as Matthew would dig his toes into the mat and scrunch his shoulders and chin down, and push his bottom right up into the air (no knees on the mat or anything!), and then relax down again. Then he'd push up onto his knees with his chin on the mat and shove with his feet. By using a combination of those two moves, he got himself to that bug in no time at all! He also learnt to do that squiggling to rotate himself around on the mat, so he could move his head a foot or so to the left, for example. I KNOW Arthur was not doing anything like this for ages after Matthew's current age, so we were just amazed to watch our strong tiny boy! He's so much littler than Arthur was too. What a strong, determined little boo! I wonder how old he'll be when he learns to sit unaided, or crawl for the first time?! It's so exciting to see, and it feels like new all over again, because already it is so very different to how it was with Arthur. I feel sure he'll do those things younger than Arthur did, given his strength in the muscles required for those things. Arthur sat unaided at 5.5 months and crawled at 8 months, so we still have a while to wait yet! I can't imagine having TWO mobile children! How crazy that will be, but how lovely as well :)
Not forgetting Arthur in this entry (!), today and yesterday he has suddenly started combining two words together way more. So he'll ask for a new drink by saying, "nyyoo guck" (guck has been his word for drink for many months now!), or tell me Daddy's in the kitchen by saying, "Dad-dee, tit-tin". Or tell me he wants to go upstairs with, "Ah-yah up!" pointing up the stairs. Today while Matthew was upstairs for one of his naps, he came running to me crying out, "Ma-Ma awake!" His new verb today (the main one he's been using) is "fall", as in fall down.
So last week we went to playgroup 2 days and soft play one day. And nothing on Friday. Saturday night Arthur was horribly unsettled and seemed to wake whining and upset every TEN minutes - yes, TEN, all night long. He resettled quickly but just kept on waking. Sunday morning he ws cheerful but tired, and then I saw his nose running. So poor Arthur has his first cold of the season already, ugh. I KNEW it would happen, but the very first week?! Yeurgh. And I feel for Matthew because he's so tiny and vulnerable and my heart squeezes with love for him SO, and he's sure to catch whatever Arthur catches. Which will be EVERYTHING, I should think. Urgh. I am ultra glad my milk is there with antibodies in it. I read that when a child exposes the breast to a virus they have (ie by contact with their mouth/saliva), the breast begins to make antibodies to that exact virus, and it's ready in the milk just 8 hours after exposure!!! Isn't that just so incredibly amazing?!!! Breast milk is awesome stuff. Anyway, so if I catch the cold I'll pump out antibodies anyway, but at least I know Arthur has exposed me to it and it's already in my milk because of that. Because the boys share my breasts, I worry about the transmission of germs a bit, because even if I wash myself off between every single time they feed, a wet washcloth is hardly going to kill of a virus is it?! But oh well. It's good for his immune system anyway, Matthew, that is. Still, he's never been ill yet and I am dreading that heartbreaking first time. I think for colds and stuff I will just let them get on with it and share my breasts and look after them as best I can. If Arthur shows signs of a tummy bug though, I will immediately assign them one breast each for the duration, unless Matthew comes down with it too, and then I'll let them share again as they might as well. By the time Arthur is symptomatic it will probably be too late to protect Matthew anyway. I am DREADING the tummy bugs. Dreading dreading dreading, I can't tell you. They are sure to happen. I just hope it's not too terrible and that Neil and I don't get them too, and that we just don't get hit by toooo many over the one season. Ugh. I hate tummy bugs. Neither of our kids has ever had one yet. I'm dreading it.
Anyway. Arthur is doing okay. He had a less disturbed night last night, but still quite wakeful, and congested by the morning too. He still has just a runny nose and seems to have boundless energy and lots of cheerfulness, so he's doing fine. Matthew has no signs of a cold yet, but Arthur sneezed a fine mist all over him on the floor mat today, ugh. And Neil and I are popping our high-dose Vitamin C. I hope we don't get it. We're both so exhausted and have so much to do every day that it would not be helpful to have a virus, even just a cold. Arthur gave me a very drooly kiss on the lips today so there's no doubt that I've been exposed! I'll just have to hope to fight it off.
We did go to playgroup as normal this morning though. One time when Arthur had a cold earlier this year, and I phoned Katie to say we wouldn't be going to playgroup, she told me that as far as the "unwritten rules" of illness at playgroups went, mothers would not keep their children away from playgroups with colds, unless their little one was feeling too poorly to want to play. Otherwise they'd never go, as little ones get soooo many colds! But if their children had any sign of diarrhoea or a tummy bug, they wouldn't let them go and mix with other kids. I think that is a great rule, and I'll be sticking to it. It always used to bug me SILLY when I was little at school, that parents would send their kids in to school when they'd been throwing up in the night. I know it bugged me because of my whole fear of being sick thing, but it just seemed soooo irresponsible! Tummy bugs are horrible things to pass around. Maybe people just don't know that a tummy bug is infectious for up to 48 hours AFTER vomiting and diarrhoea ceases, and definitely for the first 24 of those. So many parents send their kids back to school or playgroup the morning after because their kids seem fine again. Which they are, but they are still passing that bug around for another 24 hours. I feel like other mums probably aren't going to do it, but I plan to keep my kids away from other people for a full 24 hours after they seem better. I'd hate to be the reason they passed something horrible on to someone else.
Anyway, so Arthur seemed energetic and like he would enjoy playgroup today. Neil is home from work to sort the garden out this week, and Matthew's naps went all skewy today and he was napping while we should have been at playgroup. So in the end, I left Matthew with Neil and took Arthur for the last hour of playgroup. It was nice to just be with Arthur actually. I feel so physically stretched and mentally stressed out when I have both children with me on my own. It's so incredibly difficult having two such small children!! I realise it more than ever when taking the energetic toddler out that I used to complain exhausted me before, makes me feel refreshed and like this is the easy option!! ;) It's SO nice not to have to divide my attention.
There was a children's photographer at playgroup this morning, and Arthur had his photograph taken. The proofs come back in 2 weeks and I'll see if they come out nice enough to buy any prints. They aren't expensive, and I don't have to commit to buying any, so that's good. I was a bit bummed that I didn't have Matthew with me in the end, because the photographer had taken some really sweet photos of toddlers with their baby siblings, as young as 6 weeks old! So I could have had my first professional photo of the boys taken, but oh well. Matthew would probably not have enjoyed it anyway, and would have cried and not been able to be photographed or something! He is not like Arthur was at his age - always loving to smile for the camera! The photographer hopes to come again before the end of the year, so I'll hopefully get them photographed together then. Matthew should be easier to entertain and photograph then too, I hope!
We went to church again on Sunday!!! Two Sundays running, wow! ;) We haven't done that in what feels like years. Some nice guy who has been at our church for 2 years actually came up to us after the service and introduced himself, thinking we were new, haha! We had to tell him we'd been at this church for nearly 11 years, but that we were just extremely slack since we had children! ;) We are really determined to start attending church regularly again now. We miss it, and it'll be good for us and good for the boys. Arthur gets another day in the week of social contact and an hour of creche with toys and activities. Both of them get to see people worshipping God, which we always wanted them exposed to, and especially to see US praising God, to see that as a "norm". They both seem very "yikes, what's going on here?!" at church at the moment and that makes me sad.
I am LOVING being back at church. I missed the people there so much, and just being surrounded by people who love Jesus, and singing to God as one of many people. For the 2 Sundays we've been back, Neil has taken both boys to creche and stayed with them, and I have sat through the whole service! I don't think I've done that for at least a year. This last time we went, Neil brought Matthew to me halfway through the sermon and I breastfed him right there in the church. I remember feeling so awkward about breastfeeding Arthur during the service, even though I knew it was just ME with the funny feelings. Our church is young and open and non-judgemental, and mothers do breastfeed their babies, usually at the back but some do in their seats as well. I don't know what is different this time, but I had no qualms at all about whipping out a breast and feeding my baby boy. I suppose it helps that there are 4 other breastfeeding mothers (with babies almost the same age as Matthew) at church, and I had just seen 3 of them breastfeed their babies. One of them was struggling away under a shawl, and seemed quite embarrassed about it, and my heart went out to her because it's such a shame to feel like that about breastfeeding in public, and I know how she feels. But it was lovely to NOT feel that way. I was sitting at the back anyway, but I didn't try to cover myself, and that felt like a big relief. I enjoyed breastfeeding while listening to the sermon and learning things about my wonderful God!
The first Sunday back at church, I went forward for prayer at the end of the service. I want God back in my life again, big time. I miss him in his rightful place - on the throne of my life, instead of me there. I would "try" to get back in that place but I just couldn't seem to. So I asked for prayer about it. Also for my stomach ulcer, and stress in my life. It was lovely to stand there and just go quiet before God and have somebody pray out loud for me. I have missed that so much! While the lady was praying for me, I felt like I had a tight band around my stomach and ribs, physically and spiritually. Like I couldn't take a deep breath, and I was trying and trying to expand my lungs and use my diaphragm and breathe the right way, but I had forgotten how and I just couldn't seem to do it. I told the lady this, and she started to pray into that. After a while I got that long-missed but familiar sense of God's presence around me, and just started to let go and relax more. I guess it has been way too long since I let God lift my burdens. Maybe that is why I have been getting so stressed this last year or so. I have not been letting God help me. The lady stopped praying and said, "Wow!" and told me that she really felt God's presence powerfully over me right now. I smiled and said, "I know" and then it seemed so ridiculously serene of me, given how completely-the-opposite I've been for soooo many months now, that I just started to giggle and couldn't stop! Right then I noticed I could take the most ENORMOUS, refreshing deep breath - I could filllll my lungs right up and then release it all out with that wonderful relaxing feeling that goes with doing that. I told the lady the tight band had gone, and we just praised God for it, and then somebody came up to me and asked me if I could pray with them for a lady who was crying and upset about something, so I went to do that. It has been too long since I actually reached out and prayed with somebody. I felt weird and inexperienced all of a sudden, and nervous because of it, but that soon melted away, because really it is a very familiar thing to me. It's just that I haven't done it in toooo long. So that was good for me too.
I love God. He is just.... just... so wonderful and precious and perfect and loving. I love him completely.
I have been putting praise and worship CDs on at home more lately, and actually worshipping as I sing along. I have discovered two new things about doing this when the boys are around. The other day I had both boys in the car and we were stuck in traffic. Matthew was SCREAMING like normal and he never stops till we get home and I can calm him down, usually with the breast. Arthur was unhappy that Matthew was so upset and was shouting and stuff. I didn't know what to do so I started to sing kiddies' songs, nursery rhymes and stuff. I could barely hear my own voice, the boys were soooo noisy in the little tin box we were stuck in! They weren't distracted by the singing, so I put the radio on. No joy. But in the noise, I suddenly felt sure I could hear a worship song on the radio, and I was surprised because it was a secular radio station. I listened more carefully and it wasn't the song I thought it was (of course) but then that song was in my head (the worship song, that is), and I started to sing it. The boys cried. I tried blocking their noise out and by the end of the first verse I felt my heart just begin to SOAR in worship to God, and the instant I had that feeling, Matthew stopped crying. Immediately. Arthur went quiet too! I kept singing, and when I got to the end of the song, I started it again. After a while, it became just something I was singing rather than worship from my heart, and it's so odd because every time I lost the feeling of worship, Matthew would start crying again. If I pushed everything else out of my head and made myself focus on worshipping God then he stopped. Amazing! I told Neil about it and he's going to try that too.
The other thing happened at home when I was singing and dancing to some bouncy praise songs with the boys. Arthur loved it SO much! I love that. I had Matthew in my arms and we just had such a sweet little praise time together :) When Neil got home from work, Arthur asked for the music on again, and when I put it on, he ran up to Neil, threw his hands in the air and SHOUTED, "Pay God!" (praise God!) hehehe! He's so funny :)
Oops, Matthew is awake - I guess I have been typing too loudly! I will just feed him and then when he's asleep again I'll post a load of photos and add the entry.
Okay, back - here are some lovely photos of my boys, taken a few days ago! Some are rather blurry where Arthur was moving (as he is usually in motion most of the time!):
And a few of Arthur actually paying Matthew some prolonged attention! He was undoing Matthew's poppers in the first one, and playing "buh... buh... buh... buh... BOOGIEEE!" (the thing I do with Matthew, wiggling his hands on "boogieeee!") with him in the other two. Matthew was absolutely thrilled to have such attention from his Arthur, as you can see! My sweet boys! :)
And that is all for now. Matthew has been fed, and he's still on my bed, having just rolled onto his tummy. I need to put him back in his cot and get ready for bed myself, as it's way too late again. Back soon, I hope! Oh but I almost forgot - thank you SO much for the lovely comments since my last entry!!! What lovely compliments on my boys and such encouraging words! You know I just want to give each of you a big hug :) Thank you! xxx
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