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2008-07-11 - 1.57am previous entry next entry
Middle-of-the-night freak outs (!) and Nathan photos!
Thanks for all the lovely comments and congrats for Neil after my last entry!! :) It feels like there's so much to DO before Neil is suddenly back in the swing of full-time work again in just over a week (aaargh!!). It's a bit intimidating, but I have to lean on God and trust him to help me with the little ones. I know I only have three small children, but the last time I was caring for them all day every day on my own (except weekends!), I only had two of them! :) It has been the BIGGEST blessing to have Neil home for so long, and at exactly this stage of our lives, from the start of my 3rd trimester in my last pregnancy, to 6 months after having a new baby. Such a gift! I hope I can pick up and carry on and do it well, once he goes back to work.
I can't for the life of me think why ON EARTH I am up at 1.57am freaking out about lumps! I should be in bed asleep. Or praying and feeling at ease. Or something! I have little pea sized lumps that have been appearing occasionally since I had my first baby. They started in the back of my pelvis, low on my back, and the doctor said the first one was a knotted muscles (to which I thought, "Yeah right!" because it did not feel like one and it was painless! But oh well). Then I saw an osteopath for the back trouble I had after Arthur, and I had a couple more in the same vague area by then. She said they were cysts and not uncommon around joints, especially joints that were complaining (like my lower back was!). But then a while after, I found one in my left thigh, nowhere near a joint. Now I have several in that thigh, one in a buttock, and a couple more in my lower back. I found one next to my spine midway up my back tonight, and have suddenly graduated to Officially Freaking Out. *sigh* Of course I should stay WELL away from Google when I find things I'm worried about, but here I am at 2am googling "lumps thigh back pelvis pea" and finding not-a-lot.
I don't know why I get sooooo paranoid about getting cancer! I just want to tell myself to pull it together and relax and enjoy life! But then I get a new lump thingy and worry all over again. All I can think about is my KIDS. How they need their mummy and how much pain they would go through to lose me during childhood. I just can't bear it! And I want to see them grow up, and bring them up myself! And also, not go through cancer, or die just yet.
Big contrast to last entry, right? Maybe I am not looking to God right now. I always find that so much harder when I'm anxious about something that I can't explain or understand properly. It's (naturally) Friday so I can't go and talk to the doctor about it till Monday at the earliest. I need to pray and relax about it till then. I don't want to dwell on scary thoughts.
So, now I have vented some anxiety, I should go to bed! I do have some new photos to post that will be a lovely distraction for me before bed! :) They aren't new new, but I only just finished resizing some that I took the week or so after Matthew's birthday. I found my camera yesterday!!!! It was between the sofas (not sure how?!?!). So I will get to uploading a TON of new photos soon.
Here's my sweet little Nathan a few weeks ago! He's discovering floor toys like crazy lately, rolling all over the room from wall to wall and object to object, to get to things that look interesting. He loves whatever his brothers are playing with and is especially entranced by toy cars (quelle surprise!), much to Arthur and Matthew's delight! He loves the little red chairs that go with the red toddlers' table, and rolls up to them to kick and rest his feet on them, and cooes and talks to them for ages, hehe! He also rolls to find me when I go in the kitchen and cranes his neck round the doorway with the most inquisitive expression! He is going to be such fun when he gets crawling! I am so eager, on the one hand, but on the other hand I am savouring the stage he's at now too. I just love him to bits!
Here he is being thrilled to touch one of the revered floor toys - a vehicle, no less!! And when the noisy brothers were out for a walk with Daddy! Such bliss! ;)
Figuring out how it all works....
He plays cars at ANY opportunity with the boys. He rolls to their games and tries to get involved, picks cars up and chews on them, etc. And especially loves it when we sit him there to play! The boys adore this and get so excited about giving him cars to hold (they're so thrilled that he's now able to take and hold onto the things they give him!), and talk to him about the cars. Nathan can't sit unsupported yet. He has for like three seconds when very focused on something in front of him, but that hardly counts really! He MUCH prefers push push push on his leggies to stand up, and then if I hold him under his armpits, he goose-steps around the room with purpose, walking himself to all the things he is interested in with a big delighted smile on his face! When he reaches a point of interest, he squats his legs and I sit him down, hehe! He's very decisive ;) Awfully like Arthur was. Matthew never stepped when held, he just jumped and jumped and jumped and jumped (ad infinitum - no, really!). Arthur and Nathan have never been interested in jumping on the spot like Matthew (who is now two and STILL likes to jump on the spot for the sheer JOY of it, hehe!). I digress!!! Cute photo:
I saw Matthew playing with Nathan with some cars on the floor one day, so I started taking photos! The first one is so sweet! Then, they noticed me and did not seem all that impressed! Nathan then rolled away into the distance, while Matthew showed me a bogey that he'd just retrieved (yet ANOTHER cold!). Such is life. But the first photo was lovely! :)
I do have a lot more photos (those are all the Nathan ones for now, but I have more that I have taken since finding my camera, yay!) - I'll have to post some more again soon. Tomorrow Nathan is SIX MONTHS OLD!!!! I hope to write an entry to cover more about my little half-birthday boy!! I can't believe it has been a whole half of a year since he was born. Here's my tiny man a few weeks ago. He loves to play with his feet right now, and roll about - the fewer clothes the better! I love him sooooooo!!! I do believe I feel like going to bed to snuggle his sweet self now. He's due to wake soon to breastfeed anyway. I'll write again soon!
Recent entries.....
Moving time... - 2009-01-04
Christmas Eve! - 2008-12-24
Long-overdue update, a few Nathey pics and a video clip :) - 2008-12-01
Lots of news! - 2008-11-03
Nathan at 8 months... - 2008-10-12