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2007-03-23 - 12.58am previous entry next entry
More photos, weight (mine), and nap-and-meal issues
Thank you for the lovely comments on my letter to Matthew! :) I'm glad to have recorded it here too!
No time for an update AGAIN, but I've decided that one way to approach keeping up with my diary better, is to make shorter, more random, more spontaneous entries, but entries that are less full and newsy. So, like, if I catch 20 minutes then I could update about the raisin up Arthur's nose (thanks for the reminder, Sam!) or post a bunch of photos and not much else, etc. Then at least I'd be getting SOME of the stuff posted here and there, and when I do eventually get time for a big update, I won't have soooooo much to catch up on? How about that? I think I'll try it.
So, tonight it's already after midnight and I REALLY wanted to update, but hey ho. I had a lovvvely luxurious bath and read a bazillion posts at Fertility Friend (something I haven't had chance to do for aaages), and that has pretty much used my whole evening up! Yesterday evening I re-hemmed 3 pairs of cords. Oh, I will just say this (who out there is rolling her eyes, knowing full-well that I'll still be typing this very long and very normal-for-me entry in like 2 hours time? Hehe!) - my scales need new batteries (they're digital) so I can't check my weight, but I am pretty sure it's still falling off. My parents dropped by on a visit this week, just for a few hours because they were only in England for one day (!!), but Mummy said I look thin in the face and she reckons I'm about 8 stone now. I was 8 stone 4lbs (? or something) last time I weighed myself but that was a good while ago now. I know that my size 12 jeans and trousers are too big on me now, in the last few weeks. I never went below size 12 trousers after having Arthur, before getting pregnant with Matthew. My pre-babies jeans size was a 10, and I've NEVER taken a smaller size than that. I have been size 8 on the top, but I had hibernating mammary glands which will now never be the same size again, hehe! Well, as long as I'm breastfeeding they won't :)
Anyway, so I have had to get the pre-ARTHUR box of clothes down from the loft and dig out all the jeans and stuff. Fashions have changed since then, seriously! All the waists are soooo high on those jeans! Which I don't care about all that much, but my WAIST is not the same as it was. I can't do the button up, but I fit the hips and legs well. So I bought a couple of pairs of cords (I heart cords right now) at eBay in size 10 recently, and they fit me perfectly with a lower waistline. When they fit me like a dream I bid on another pair and now I am set up nicely! I have a couple of pairs of jeans, and cords in brown, beige and dusky pink. Which I like :) But my legs are ridiculously short, so I had to take ALL of them up - the dusky pink ones went up FIVE inches, haha! I have a 27 inch inside leg. I'm a shortie :) My top half is all out of proportion and I'm the tallest at any dinner table, even amongst men! I look odd. But hey ho.
Anyway. The last couple of days, I have started to notice those new size 10 things seeming just a tad generous in size. So I'm worrying about my weight a bit. I DON'T want to lose too much weight. I really didn't want to go below 8 stone after having children. Before Arthur I was 7 stone 10lbs and I don't want to be that light again really. I feel healthier above 8 stone, and I have more energy. I'm eating and eating, and I eat high calorie things. I indulge my passion for chocolate a LOT at the moment and we eat desserts with every evening meal - though some are fruit salads and light things. I drink whole milk, and lots of it - last weekend I sat down and calculated how much milk we are using so as to get an idea of how much to buy on a weekly basis when I go shopping. I was AMAZED to discover that I needed to put FOURTEEN pints of milk on the shopping list, and it felt weirder than weird to actually load it all into the shopping trolley and pay for it! But we haven't wasted it. It's Friday and I go shopping again this weekend. We have about 2-3 pints left, which is about how much we need to get through Saturday and maybe Sunday morning. We don't even have kids who drink milk yet! Arthur has some on his cereal in the morning, and I cook with milk quite a lot, but yeah - we drink a LOT of milk!
But I don't know what else to do about keeping my weight up. I am still tandem nursing and my boys are very active at 9 months, and 2 years and 4 months. I don't EVER want to have to wean or reduce their feeds for my own gain, even though if I really DID have to, it wouldn't be "for my own gain" as such. It would just be necessary, for everyone concerned. But I hope it never gets to that. I do have a big appetite these days, but I don't suppose I eat that well during the day. I eat fine at dinner time, but my lunch leaves a lot to be desired, since I grab a sandwich while doing the same for the boys, and it's not a hearty one either, just marmite usually. I don't have time to make (or eat) anything more hearty, and some days the first chance I get to eat lunch is about 3.30pm, if I am having one of those difficult days with the little ones! So I guess I could change lunch, if I could figure out how. Hmmm...
ANYWAY! I can't think why I went off on another subject when it's this late and I only meant to come and post photos! I have a ton of photos on my camera to upload (will try this weekend) but there are still some from before on the computer to post here, so I wanted to get them in my diary before I upload the new stuff from the camera. There are a couple of big sets of photos of the boys playing together. I just see them playing and grab the camera and snap and snap and SNAP!!! Hehe! Lots come out blurry, and many seem kind of samey, but it's worth it for the nice ones and sometimes the whole set it worth posting because of the "progression" of the photos. So I have a couple of sets like that which I wanted to post. I particularly like them because Matthew is getting SO stuck in with what Arthur's playing with (a very frequent occurance these days), and in BOTH sets, Arthur ends up getting frustrated and just making this frustrated yelling noise with his hands all rigid with annoyance! This seems like a mean thing to photograph, but it's such a normal scene here at the moment and it's a stage of their brotherhood that I wanted to capture so I don't forget! It's very "Two" of Arthur as well, hehe! Bless him, Matthew just looks at him with calm innocence while he yells like that :) I DO intervene gently, and it's always resolved happily in no time. It never gets nasty, so I find it quite a sweet thing to witness at the moment :)
Here are the photos - I took out the more blurry ones to keep the selection here more compact!
And a smaller set:
Matthew is SO interested in everything in the whoooole world right now. Everything that Arthur's playing with is something to make a beeline for! He is also being totally amazing at independent play lately, even at 9 months old! Yesterday while I made the family meal before Neil got home from work, I set Arthur up watching Shrek 2 (he LOVES this movie right now) because it's a nice time of day for him to watch something and wind down, and it means ZERO trouble with Matthew or general monkey business while I'm cooking, or constant interruptions for me. And he loves it. So that's what we do. Anyway, so I set him up watching Shrek on the sofa, and then I went in the kitchen to sort out the chicken casserole and make a chocolate pudding with custard (yum!). I also had to do some serious cleaning and tidying before we could eat in there, so I knew it would keep me away from the boys a while. I usually let Matthew just crawl around in the living room, because there are toys EVERYWHERE and he likes to explore them all at the moment, which keeps him busy for little bits at a time. In between that, he stands at the little makeshift barrier that I put at the kitchen doorway so he can't come in while I'm cooking, and cries and yells at me and stuff. Which is wearing. And I respond to him when I can, but he does stop and play with something for a while, now and then, too.
So yesterday, Arthur watched Shrek, and Matthew played with enthusiasm and interest on his own for A WHOLE HOUR!!!! I couldn't believe it! I mean, there were one or two occasions of about 5 minutes each where Arthur got down from the sofa and played with Matthew when he was distracted by something interesting that he was playing with, but otherwise he was totally playing by himself! I kept putting my head round the doorway to see if he was okay, and he was always enthusiastically rattling a rainmaker, or bashing plastic cups together, or emptying a box of plastic fruit and veg and then pulling each piece apart and shoving the pieces around on the floor to make a nice noise. Or he'd run toy cars around the floor and tables - he seems so much more advanced about "vehicle-based play" than Arthur was at this age. I think it's because he is REALLY interested in the toy cars, and he has a constant role model in Arthur, who he watches playing with the cars for many hours each day! He knows just what to do with them therefore, and he loves to do what Arthur does. He finds toy cars and crawls with one in his hand till he reaches a low table, then pulls up and drives the car back and forth (forcefully and eagerly enough to practically wear marks in the table top!) over and over for ages! He also pushes them around the floor while he's crawling, and chases after them if they go out of reach with a particularly strong push. He loves to roll and throw balls too. There are just so many stimulating toys for him just lying around all the time, especially ideal for his particular age. He's very interested suddenly in finding out how things work and what he can DO with them in his hands. So that was what he did, but I just couldn't believe he was happy playing like that and occupied with it for as long as an HOUR! It did help that I nursed him right before I started cooking, and he'd had a good afternoon nap.
Matthew naps in the day this week have been difficult, and I have found it hard to manage them really. He is suddenly fighting going down for his naps, even when tired enough. I need him to sleep a little more independently in the day, because he is very dependent on me to get to sleep at the moment, especially in the day for naps. And that is hard to manage when he decides he's not going to sleep (even though I know he's tired and needs a nap, and it's nap TIME anyway), because then I have to stay to persevere and get him to sleep. And that is taking AGES lately. This week I have taken like 40 minutes to get him to sleep. It is NOT worth giving up and having him miss a nap. And I can't seem to get him sleeping any other way. I have to be there for Arthur, and 40 minutes upstairs with Matthew is not okay when Arthur is on his own downstairs. Apart from anything else, it's just not fair on Arthur. It's even worse when it's the afternoon nap, because Arthur has to wait till Matthew is asleep in order to get his own nap. He nurses to sleep so he NEEDS me to help him nap. It's too late to change that now, and I'm not about to try, but because he needs me to do that for him, he has to wait till I've got Matthew to sleep first, otherwise Matthew will cry and make a ton of noise while I try to settle Arthur, and then Arthur can't get to sleep even on the breast. It's so hard to juggle!!
Sometimes it gets so late and Arthur is so tired that I just shut the door on Matthew and take Arthur to bed, and shut his door too. I nurse him to sleep as normal, but Matthew cries and cries and CRIES and it is just unbearable. Today was one of those days. He cried for 20 minutes while I changed Arthur's nappy, took him to bed, and nursed him to sleep. I couldn't go back in to reassure him even, because I was just rushing to get poor Arthur to bed (it was 3pm already, and I'd been trying to put Matthew down for his nap from 1.15 - poor Arthur had been on his own downstairs much of that time). So Arthur did get his nap, but Matthew was so absolutely distraught by the time I got to him. He was just hoarse and crimson and his clothes were wet with tears and he was doing that rhythmic gaspy sobby cry, and his face was a picture of fear and distress and it was HORRIBLE. He wouldn't calm down until I breastfed him and then he absolutely passed out on the breast from exhaustion. This has now had to happen a few times, and it frustrates me to tears. I don't know what to do to fix it!
Another issue right now is Arthur and food. It's now been about 6 weeks since we started that approach where we serve him his evening meal (home-cooked), and if he doesn't eat it, he isn't offered anything else. He IS offered the dessert though. He doesn't eat a THING, not even the dessert usually. He is just faddy, almost panicky, about food that he's not familiar with. I do include foods that he is familiar with, but there are so few of those on his "acceptable" list that it doesn't really make much difference to him eating the meals. After 3 weeks the health visitor said we're doing great, and we should persevere because he'll come round soon. So we have done.
But now it has been about 3 more weeks and he ISN'T eating. He eats lunch (not a great one) and a bit of breakfast. He gets a lot of breastmilk, but is ALWAYS hungry for mealtimes, so the breastfeeding is NOT getting in the way of his food. This last week or so, Arthur is starting to seem a bit.... different. He gets pale moments in the day, and complains about being "just a bit tired" from about 10am every day. He often asks to go up to bed from late morning, but I don't let him nap till later because I guess I have been thinking, well, he's two, he doesn't need two naps in the day and if I give him an early nap then it's going to mess the rest of the day up. Maybe I should try letting him nap and see what happens?
Anyway. He has dark circles under his eyes, and he is whiney (and I do mean WHINEY) and over-sensitive to the tiniest thing going wrong during the day, just like I would be if I was ever-so overtired or run down. The only thing that springs to mind (he's not unwell or coming down with anything) is his nutrition, or lack thereof. And I'm worried, because I can't get him to eat, and it's NOT going like the books/doctors/friends who've been there and done that SAY. Six weeks and he still hasn't come round to eating what I cook for him. He WILL eat jars of toddler babyfood, but I don't want him on those any more. He will only accept like TWO different meals from those anyway, so it was definitely time to stop those and get him onto home cooked meals with the family.
I tried to phone the health visitor this week, but the first time I left a message and she got my answer machine when she called back. She hasn't called since and I keep getting their machine. Urgh. So that is an issue right now, but I don't know what to do. I'm thinking it's likely to be an iron thing, if he's pale and tired. He's not PALE, he is pink and healthy and the insides of his eyelids look very rosy, but he has these "pale moments" where he just looks WHITE and with those dark circles around his eyes. So I'm thinking iron. He gets very little now, with his crap diet. So for the last few days I have been trying to give him things that are good sources of iron, that he will actually eat. It's really hard, because he will not eat many things!
I'm giving him beans on toast every other day, because that's a meal with iron in it, as opposed to just marmite sandwich every lunch time. I'm giving him raisins a lot, which are a source of iron, but then he ate those before anyway. He gets iron fortified cereal in the morning, which he was getting before, and he only has wholemeal bread (higher in iron than white), which he has always had. Sometimes I give him an iron fortified cereal bar for a snack in the morning too. The other day I got desperate and started thinking, there have to be MORE THINGS that are sources of iron that he doesn't already eat! I have to increase his dietary iron somehow!! But I can't introduce anything new, because he will. not. eat. it. He WILL eat chocolate. And then I remembered that good quality dark chocolate is actually a good source of iron. So I made chocolate cornflake cakes with iron-fortified cornflakes. I just melted the chocolate with some butter and coated the cornflakes in it, then bunged them in the fridge to set. He LOVES those. I give him one for dessert every day, as well as his usual evening meal dessert (which he doesn't really eat). So that's a little extra.
I guess if the HV thinks it's iron, she'll want me to take him to the doctor to get his levels tested. That should be SO MUCH FUN! *sigh*
This entry has turned whiney, which was TOTALLY not the intention! And also it's turned into a proper entry - quelle surprise! Matthew is stirring and I'm going to snuggle his cuteness and then go to sleep, as it's reeeeally late now. It's weekend - HOORAY!! I love weekend :) We're actually going to church this weekend, because Neil is on the rota to work in the creche.
Katie and I are meeting at the new playground every week at the moment and I'm loving it! Katie is my friend from church who has Josh (Arthur's very favourite friend), and Bethany (who was born 11 days before Matthew). Arthur and Josh play wonderfully together and run about with sticks, and climb the climbing frames and slide down the slides together, and the babies sit and watch, and we mummies just talk as fast as we can for the short time we get to have some adult company (more importantly - adult company with TOTAL empathy!). I had no idea I would find it such a blessing, and in just two weeks, I am already feeling like my guard has dropped with Katie HUGELY and she seems like a close friend suddenly, to whom I might tell anything really. She tells me things I didn't expect her to, and that feels really nice, like the feeling is mutual. Which makes me feel special :)
Today it was FREEZING - it snowed yesterday and today the wind was strong, constant, and absolutely bitter. It just sliced right through us. The boys ran about completely oblivious, and we had bundled our tiny people up well in their pushchairs. Even with all our fast talking, our jaws still got stiffer and stiffer in the wind till we were having trouble forming words, so we had to leave in the end! But it was so nice all the same :)
Okay, Matthew waking. Must go! Back soon! :)
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