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2005-06-03 - 4.23pm previous entry next entry
Longings and improvements!
Right now I have the most ENORMOUS craving. I am absolutely longing to slip between clean cool sheets on a comfy spacious bed, in a relaxing-coloured room with gentle light bathing me through the drawn curtains at the window. The room would be the perfect temperature with good ventilation, and I would need to have an especially soft and fresh-smelling pillow too. The craving requires that I have absolute freedom of movement in my bed, and noooo pressure whatsoever on time. In fact, I wouldn�t even need to think about what the time is. I would just breathe in and out, one delicious relaxing breath after another, and drift off into blissful sleep. And not wake till my body naturally felt like waking. Seriously, the longing is so strong that it�s like a physical ache. And it�s all I wanted to write here today. But now that I�m here, I�ll write about other stuff while Arthur is napping. I could be spending my time trying to fulfil my craving, but the time element would be non-existent, since Arthur tends to need resettling, or even finish a nap at the half-hour point, so I wouldn�t even be able to get fully relaxed in that time I think. I am a wound-up person I think. It takes me ages to relax and fall asleep. How I long for that sleep. I think about that fantasy a lot, but sometimes I feel guilty for it, like because I am wishing for it, that must mean I�m wishing Arthur was not around to prevent me. Which I would never contemplate wishing. But anyway.
Actually, just in the time it has taken me since leaving him peacefully asleep, to go to the loo, think about sleep, and switch the computer on to write this down, Arthur is pretty much at the half-hour point of his nap, so I may have to stop any moment now. He has napped well today. It�s 4pm, and he has now had 3 hours sleep in 3 naps, including a 1.5 hour nap this morning (no half-hour stirring or anything!). He usually only takes 3 hours even if he has the opportunity for more, so I would expect that he�ll wake after half an hour (now) and not need or want to go back to sleep till bedtime. If that happens maybe I�ll save this in Word for later, and post it with my other waffle this evening.
I�m tired. But Arthur is sleeping better. He has four hour gaps between every night waking now � and they are getting predictable too. His wake times are usually (approx.) 10.30pm, after a 6.30 or 7pm sleep time, 2am, and 6am. The 2am waking involves a nappy change though, and he wakes up completely then. This means with the nappy and the feed and his wakefulness, he (and I) are usually awake for an hour before he�s asleep again and I can drop back off to sleep. The good news about this wake-time is that for the last two nights I have just fed him and left him to it, rolling about and babbling on the bed next to me, and he has gradually quietened down and gone to sleep by himself! Last night I was so excited about it that I even stayed awake to watch how he did it! Not that I could see, because lately we have started turning off every light in the house for bed. Until recently we have had the landing light on low, or the lamp on downstairs, just to throw a little bit of light up to the bedroom, so we could make out Arthur�s face for things like feeds and resettling, etc. And nappy changing.
It�s weird dealing with him in the night in pitch darkness. But I like it. It�s sort of�. instinctive. It makes me feel so accomplished! I hear him but it�s so dark that I can�t even make out his shape in the bed next to me. When I hear him making little whimpery noises and sounding like he�s waking, I undo a bra-flap and roll towards his sound, and feel for his body with one hand. When I find him I pull his body so that he�s on his side facing me. Usually by the time I have him on his side, his mouth has found me and latched on. Then all I can sense is the feel and sound of him drinking my milk, and the smell of it on his breath if I cradle him close to me and bend my head to his. I feel his silky little hands exploring my arms and patting and stroking me sleepily. I feel his soft hair against my cheek as I bow my head over his. It is the most perfect intimacy ever invented. It is more intimate than I ever found sex to be. For me, it is the most intimate human experience I ever had. I love it. I like that the darkness is making me more aware of this precious experience, and even more intimate in my bonding experience with my son. I like how it sharpens my other senses so that I notice things about night nursing that didn�t seem that apparent before.
Last night I was so excited that Arthur was actually falling asleep (from fully awake) by himself next to me in bed, that I kept flashing the clock light on to see him in the dim glow, just to get the thrill of seeing him curled on his side, and his little peaceful face with closed eyes and fists tucked up for sleep under his chin. I had nothing to do with it!! He did it all by himself, and whoop-de-do, the nasty jail-bed sat empty at the foot of our bed, whilst my cutie and I lay side by side in the big bed, just as I had always wanted it to be! Yay! I hope his sleep keeps improving and that his gaps get longer, but right now it is much improved. If only I was organised enough to go to bed earlier in the evening, maybe I wouldn�t feel so tired anymore. Arthur is actually only waking twice in my night now, so that is manageable. Although last night he woke at 4.30 as well, not sure why. I think he was a little chilly. When I told my mum how excited I was that he was sleeping better and told her his wake times, she was aghast that he was still doing �all that waking�!! I was a bit deflated at that, because it really is so much better, and I have read time and time again that it�s very common for breastfed babies (esp. co-sleeping babies) to wake once or twice a night for a feed still at one year of age. So I�m not worried about two night wakings. He now sleeps very easily when he finishes feeding (except when we wake him right up to change his nappy, tsk!), and usually only nurses for about 10 minutes on one side. He doesn�t really seem to have fully woken in the first place.
He is still asleep! That makes it a 45 minute nap so far. I am not too bothered about him sleeping any longer since I know he took all the sleep he usually needs today already. When he wakes, if it�s still this early we might go out for a walk in the park. But that means driving to the park, which is kind of a hassle. Or maybe we should go out and pick out a meal for dinner from the supermarket? Either way, an activity out of the house like that should take us nicely up to when Neil gets home from work and Arthur�s bedtime right after that. I like it when days go like this!
Oh I know what I meant to mention last entry! Inspired by Jemma and Jaya�s swimming experience, I decided a few weeks ago to look into baby swimming classes for Arthur. I did some research and decided that a good one to go with would be Aquatots (is this who you went with, Jemma?). Check out their website to see what Arthur will be doing and for photos of babies underwater in their classes! Today I phoned them to find out availability for the nearest few pools to us for the term beginning in July. I want to start with Arthur as soon as possible, and preferably not wait till the October term. My nearest pools don�t have a July term, but the lady says they have a new pool in Wimbledon (easy drive) with availability for beginners in July! The only thing is, it�s Sunday mornings only, and that clashes with church, so I�m not sure what to do. I want him to start in July. We seem to have missed church for the last month or two. But I always plan on going, so I don�t want to arrange something that will prevent that. Decisions, decisions. Anyway I will keep you posted, but Arthur will definitely be starting those classes sooner or later! Yay! I can�t wait!! Jaya�s underwater photo was so lovely, I can�t wait to post one of Arthur underwater! I think he�ll love it. He seems to love water, and doesn�t cry if he puts his face under by accident. He is used to wafting around in deep baths, so I think he�ll love it.
Oh I think he is waking now. I heard little mumblings coming from the bedroom, hehe! Oh bums, it�s raining outside. Not so good for a walk. Hmmm. Maybe we�ll go to the supermarket. Yikes, the rain just turned to torrential hail! Definitely strike that walk! I think I�ll post this now, since I managed to get so much typed, and make another entry soon to post the photos I took yesterday and talk about other stuff :)
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