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2005-06-04 - 3.04pm previous entry next entry
Arthur and the apple... and lots of other waffly stuff
Thank you for the recommendations for Chris's diary recently. I started reading there a while back after Jemma gave me the link to her entry about freezing homemade baby food, so don't worry I am already reading her! We have a lot in common, it seems, and I left her a message about it recently. But thanks for recommending her all the same :)
Dum-de-dum.... Neil is taking Arthur for a walk in the pushchair at the moment. Arthur is increasingly frustrated and cranky these days. I think it has partly to do with teething, as he seems to FOREVER be in pain with his gums, poor boy. But also I think he is getting very frustrated with not being able to move himself easily to things he sees that he's interested in. It helps that I am always with him and notice what he's looking at, and bring it to him (mostly, if it's safe!), but he still seems annoyed that he can't get there himself. If you add tiredness to the mix, he can sometimes almost seem tantrumy at the moment. He arches his back and screeches with the most angry look on his little face, and shouts angry words (very punctuated "DAY! LAY! RRROE!"). He also thumps the floor when he's cross, and once or twice when something is REALLY bugging him he has thwacked me pretty good too. Not that he means to, he is just flailing his arms about because he's feeling frustrated. I wish I could somehow help him to crawl, so that he could learn it faster than he is. It seems to be driving him crazy that he can't - I'm absolutely sure that's what is annoying him. He rocks and pushes with his arms, but it just makes him slide backwards till his arms go out from under him, and then he makes angry screeches and hits the floor! Poor Boo. Soon, though. I'm sure he'll manage it soon, if he's this desperate to do it.
Poor poor baby with his teeth. It seems so unfair that he has had really quite painful teething symptoms almost constantly since 11 weeks of age, and no teeth to show for it. Some babies get teeth with no trouble! Alex is one of these - well done on your two new teeth, Alex! But poor Arthur. One time a lady I spoke to said how her baby was "such a star" because he made no fuss with teething at all and all of a sudden he had a tooth! She implied that babies who cry and struggle and fuss with teething are "difficult". That really bugs me. I wanted to say to her how Arthur had to be the BIGGEST "star" of all, since he obviously had more to cope with than babies who don't complain. They don't complain because they don't have any pain to complain about, and what's courageous about that?!! Grr. You'd complain if your gums ached and throbbed hot pain into your ears day and night, now wouldn't you?! It's like saying, "Oh my son is such a trooper! He never cries after he ingests dairy produce!" when HELLO?! He is not lactose intolerant so he doesn't have any discomfort or pain to complain about!!! Some babies have ZERO teething pain, therefore they are not "troopers", they are just lucky. Some have horrible teething pain. It really annoys me when people say stuff like that. But I guess I am just feeling protective of my poor boy.
He had about 2 days between the end of the last bout of painful teething and the start of the one he's currently on. Right now he's biting on stuff a lot, and drooling heavily, so those are good signs that he's teething, whether or not he's in any pain from it. But a lot of the time he is moaning and rubbing at his ears till they are red :( He juts his bottom jaw out and wails, "Oh-yoh-yoh-yoh!" between sobs, so I know it hurts him a lot. Poor baby. I wish I could take it away for him or get his teeth to darn well HURRY UP!!! We ran out of teething powder so I have been using Bonjela and stuff like that on him, which has not seemed to make much difference. Yesterday we finally bought some teething powder and he was so eager to open his mouth and put his tongue out for it when I opened the first packet! I hope that first tooth comes soon. Like today would be nice. His gum doesn't look particularly prominent over any one tooth. Poo.
In other news, my back has finally had it. I think I mentioned a week or so ago that I had hurt my back. I don't know how, but the likelihood is that it was done carrying or lifting Arthur. He most definitely weighs over 21lbs now, but I'm not sure how much exactly. Neil said this morning that he thinks it's possible (HOW?!) that Arthur may have had yet another growth spurt! He suddenly FILLS his pushchair seat. And two days ago I noticed that he suddenly does not fit into any of his 6-9 month tops or vests, even with the vest extenders. He also suddenly stopped fitting most of his 9-12 month dungarees. Two weeks ago I tried him in two pairs of new dungarees in a very generous size 9-12 months, both of which were hugely spacious at the shoulder straps, and therefore too big. Yesterday he fit them with no room to spare! Yikes. We don't have enough vests in size 9-12 months so I need to buy some. He is now in size 9-12 month clothing in all his clothes, except that some of the tops and jumpers from Next are too roomy, but their sizing is very generous. In some brands he has completely grown out of size 9-12 months! It's a crazy thought that I need to buy him some outfits and things in size 12-18 months!! I haven't got anything ready in that size because it seemed soooo far in the future! Who would have thought that I'd be needing to buy those clothes when he was nearly 7 months old?!!
Sooo big boy. Very very sore back. Ow. One mother said to me ohhh yes her back was under a lot of strain too when her baby weighed 21lbs. Well I would just like to point out that most babies at 21lbs are WALKING, if not crawling! They are usually a lot older when they weigh that much. It is a whole 'nother ball game to lug around a 21lb baby who is only 6+ months old and does not mobilise at all yet by himself! He needs a lot more physical support in my arms than an older baby, and he needs holding and carrying like fifty million times more in a day than a mobile baby. So my back is out. For the count. Yesterday I did take him for a walk like I said I might after my diary entry. I pushed him in the pushchair. We were gone maybe 45 minutes - I will write about that in a mo! But when we got home my back hurt soooo much low down, from hip to hip across my back. I just thought I would rest a bit and it would ease off. It was sharp like a bad muscle spasm. Ow.
Anyway it has not gone away. I can't roll over in bed with out catching my breath with pain. Walking hurts like diddly, and for the first time yesterday evening I was reminded evvvver so slightly of back labour, it was that painful. I took painkillers but it only took the edge off it. Today I can't even pick Arthur up, and that feels awful :( If I hold him (transferred to my arms from Neil's) and lean his weight towards my body as I take him, it's like someone sticking me with a red hot poker in my lower back and holding it there till I hand him back to Neil. Every time I make scissor movements with my legs (eg. walking or using the stairs) the pain makes me want to cry. I am hobbling around like a little old lady, because it's most bearable if I'm hunched over. It sucks :( Today we phoned an osteopathic clinic in the area and they couldn't fit me in today at all, but they will open up especially for me tomorrow morning - phew! So no church tomorrow, because I will be getting my back seen to at 10am instead. Ohhhh I can't wait. I hope they can fix me up tomorrow so that I can leave without pain. I'm scared that they will tell me I can't hold Arthur for a while. I can't imagine such a thing. I feel scared at the very thought, of having enforced "separation" from him in that way. Obviously we can snuggle if I can get comfy, and I can sit as close to him as I can, but neither of us are used to time where I don't hold him to my body in my arms for most of the day. There HAS to be a way around this, for the future. There has to be a way that I can continue to hold and carry Arthur as much as I want to without injuring my back. Doesn't there?? Please? I hope there is. I can't bear the idea of having reached an age where I can't do it anymore :( I am so slight of frame and Arthur is so huge and like nobody can believe he came out of me!! Heh. But anyway. All I can say is thank GOODNESS this happened on a weekend so that Neil is here to hold Arthur and pick him up for stuff while I am not able. They HAVE to fix me tomorrow. Neil goes back to work the next day and I need to be able to somehow carry on as normal from then.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh our walk yesterday was great! When we got outside, the sky was pretty threatening, but it had stopped raining and hailing. I put Arthur's raincover over the 3-wheeler and took my umbrella, and off we went! We had only walked for about 3 minutes when I started to get this feeling that we were in for a heavy downpour. I kept going but the sky was making me more and more nervous! I love walking in the rain, but the sky looked more menacing than just rain so I actually felt nervous about it, which is odd for me! I decided we would go over the bridge and round the park once, and then back home. On the bridge I stopped and said, "Oh my bob" because it was high enough to get a clear view right to the horizon across the trees, and we were a good 10 minutes walk from home, and everything looked a bit weird! The trees were grey and the sky was green, like they had swapped colours with each other. The sky was soooo dark, and I could see dark green streaks from the clouds to the ground near the horizon. The wind
was nearly knocking me over up on the bridge, and it was making the clouds race across the sky, directly from the green streaks on the horizon to where I was. Hmmm! RUN HOME!!! But noooo, I am so stubborn, I was determined to walk round that park before coming home! We made it to the park before the big drops started pattering down, and I covered Arthur up with the raincover all securely so that he didn't even feel a drop. I put my umbrella up and legged it round the park (sooo stubborn, tsk!). I was nicely sandwiched between some very tall trees and a METAL fence when a big rumble of thunder sounded! Uhm, duh?!! Move AWAY from the lightning conductors!!!! I got kind of scared and prayed a lot while I huffed and puffed down the path, Arthur's pushchair swaying this way and that as I ran! We left the park near a parade of shops, and by the time we got to the shops, the heavens had well and truly opened. Sheets of water slapped into the back of my legs, and hail rattled on my umbrella, which by the way was flipping inside and out as the wind whipped it around, and not protecting me at ALL! We dived into the nearest shop, which happened to be a chemist, where we discovered a local stash of the teething powders that Arthur prefers - hooray!! We waited the worst of the storm out in there, but after a while I wanted to head home because it was getting near to the time when Neil would get home and Arthur would need to go to bed! Also the shops would close if I stayed much longer.
Outside, the roads were completely flooded. In 15 minutes! People were stepping off the kerb to get to their cars and their whole shoe would disappear underwater (amidst much swearing, hehe - I am so bad finding these things funny! ;) ). It was still raining heavily but not like before. I held my umbrella up with one hand and used some sort of super-human strength in my other arm to steer the pushchair up the hill and round corners. On top of the bridge the rain got torrential again and I kept gasping as the wind flung my umbrella off my face to slap a sheet of cold water over me! The weird thing is, somewhere around the bridge, I realised how much FUN I was having!! I felt like, "Ooh this is a fun challenge!!" I like a challenge. I guess I am just a control freak. I like to battle out the control between me and the weather, and arrive home dripping wet but triumphant! It's such a buzz, and I love it. So I felt GREAT for the walk, but my jeans were soaked to the knees and I was tiiiired. Plus after that my back started hurting soooo much. But it was so nice :) Arthur enjoyed himself! He slept well too, yesterday evening, but woke a bit more than usual during the night.
He now stays asleep every single time he rolls in any direction, onto his side, back or tummy in his sleep!! Yay Arthur!!! He rolled onto his tummy in his sleep yesterday and stayed there, and when he lifted his head he had the most awful red imprint of his own hand on his face, hehehe! He had rolled onto his hand by his cheek and not even noticed until he woke! His little hand was all red too, but he didn't seem bothered by it.
I went to the doctor's on Thursday - I forgot to mention that yesterday. I asked her about my back pain (BEFORE it got this bad!) and she seemed clueless about back pain - tsk. She said, "Oh dear." and "He's a heavy boy, isn't he? That's probably how it happened." (um, DUH?!!) and, "Just join a gym and do some exercise - that will probably help it." So I smiled and nodded and made a mental note to disregard anything she said about structural problems! But also I asked her about two moles that I have which are looking a bit dodgy. One of them she said was nothing to worry about. The other one we are going to keep an eye on, which is slightly worrying. She is less worried than she might be, because it went that way when I was pregnant, and it's normal for moles to change during pregnancy. So we'll see.
Also I have a lump on my back, loooow down. The doctor I saw a few months ago said it was a knotted muscle. I thought, "My bum it's a knotted muscle" but I said, "Oh, okay then." and left. This doctor says it's a cyst. Which is what I thought. I hope it stays un-bothersome like it is now. What else did I ask the doctor about? I had such a list!! Oh yes, I think I have a nose infection - how nice. Nothing gross, but it is sore and keeps having little bleeds. She looked and said yeah it looks like there might be one in there. She seemed surprised that I would waltz in and ask her to tell me if I had a nasal infection, but then she doesn't know the huge hassle I had with these things in pregnancy. So I know! I get to put yucky cream up my nose, which she "guessed" was safe for breastfeeding mamas. Tsk. She couldn't find any contraindications in her medicine book. I think I will see a different doctor next time! But she was very nice.
I need a smear. Oh joy. I have been overdue one for.... years I think! I hate them because they always hurt me such a lot. I should have parsnips more often and then it probably wouldn't hurt me to have a smear. If you used to read me when I was sheepdip, you'll know all about my use of the word "parsnips" in place of s*ex. I hate gross googlers. So I replace words where necessary! Parsnips is the official word for s*ex, for future reference, okay? If nothing else, my sentences can be highly amusing when I do this! ;)
Well my back hurts sitting here and I probably need to go because Arthur and Neil will be home soon, and then Arthur needs to nurse and nap.
Okay short break there - they arrived home at that exact moment and then we changed Arthur's nappy, and I read my nose cream leaflet which made me have to phone a pharmacist to ask exactly how safe it is with breastfeeding. And the pharmacist said to AVOID it!!! Tsk! Good thing I didn't have to pay for that prescription, with my maternity exemption card! Which runs out on November 4th... hmmm, must get pregnant again before then, haha! Or else just not need any prescriptions between then and when I get my next maternity exemption card! ;)
Anyway so no nose cream for me. Pfthth. I need to look up what my other nose cream was that Top Nose Guy prescribed me when I was pregnant. That must be a safe one.
My back is beginning to ease up just a little! I don't know why. I have just been sitting around and resting. I'm still very glad to have an appt for tomorrow though, as I'm sure it's something that needs fixing. And I will finally get to see someone about fixing whatever was wrong with my back in time for another pregnancy, and thus HOPEFULLY avoid the SPD with accompanying excruciating pubic bone pain. I reeeally hope. The other osteopath I saw during my pregnancy said that if I got my back sorted out between the birth and the next pregnancy, I could avoid the same problems next time around. Otherwise be prepared for the same thing or worse - yikes.
Anyway, so while I was on the phone to the pharmacist, Neil picked Arthur up as he was starting to fuss on the fleece blanket, and as he was swung up onto Neil's lap, Arthur's eyes caught mine and he gave me a sudden desperate look and pumped the milk sign with his left hand! I notice that he always uses his left hand to sign. Always. But I know it's still way too early to know if he's left or right handed. Neil is hoping for a lefty, because he is one too. Anyway I was stuck on the phone so I couldn't respond to Arthur's plea right away, but as soon as I was off the phone, Neil carried him upstairs for me and I nursed him. He seemed to almost want sleep more than to nurse. I wonder sometimes if he is using the milk sign interchangably for sleep and milk? Nursing is usually followed by sleep for Arthur, so if he WANTS to sleep because he's tired out, it makes sense that he might let me know by signing milk.
He nursed to sleep in about 3 minutes flat! He napped 30 minutes and then woke, but Neil rocked him back to sleep and now both of them are having a nice peaceful snooze in there :) And I am here to finish my entry and relax my back for the first time today, as the pain has eased enough for me to let my spine curve into a more relaxed position - yay!
I can't wait to be breastfeeding a toddler!! There's a buddy group online that I'm lurking in excitedly, one for mothers of breastfeeding toddlers, all about things to do with nursing older babies and toddlers. There are some mothers in there with babies aged 8 months old, but everyone else has older babies than that. Some have two year olds. I can't wait to join in!!! Just one month and one week to go! :) I guess they would accept me now, but I want to wait till Arthur is as old as some of the other babies in there. There are some little quirks that are specific to nursing toddlers that I can't wait to observe and experience with Arthur. I love some of the things these mothers are saying. Like the 18 month old who shares his "nigh-nighs" with his teddy - awww! I love that! And the acrobatic nursers - I know that will be Arthur soon enough because he is making more and more attempts to latch on and feed whilst playing on his TUMMY next to me, etc! He also likes to take a quick snack sitting up on my lap if there is a breast available. If there isn't, he usually lets me know he is keen by latching onto my T-shirt in the right location!
Oh ohhh, that reminds me - I saw a home movie online that I just LOVE, and I wanted to post the link. It really made me smile, but not like the audience in the background - they were cracking up - because I just think it's cute-funny, not hilarious or outrageous. I will never be able to do that position (!!) but I hope Arthur will do crazy things like that when he's older. I don't know why, I just do! It's cute :) He does nurse like that baby does quite often now - ducking his head about to get the right position if he's sitting up, and he holds my breast like a sippy cup - the ones with two handles! He literally takes a scrunch of skin in each hand on either side (owch) and pulls it towards him! I am working on showing him not to scrunch me and telling him to be gentle with Mummy, or that it hurts Mummy when he scrunches her! He also fiddles with the nipple. He likes to pick it up with his finger-and-thumb pincer grasp, hehe!! He is very gentle though, and I let him explore, but I do get nervous that suddenly he's going to go scccrrrruuuunch with his little razor sharp finger nails! Ohhhh, that would hurt! But he's a gentle boy and just seems to like looking at what he's about to eat!
Neil and I had a good chat about "us" the other evening. We were sitting down to eat dinner, which lately we have been doing in front of the TV, and this particular evening there was nothing on TV to watch at all. Suddenly the prospect of eating together without a distraction seemed awkward, and that was the alarm bell I needed. So we talked about things. I have been worried that our closeness has been slipping lately. We are well clued up on this stuff since we've been there before and completely and utterly lost all of our intimacy, and had no parsnips for like 2 years or something. Maybe longer, but most of that time I was housebound (sometimes bedbound) with an exhausting illness, so that wasn't so unusual. Anyway, last time (as veteran readers will know), we ended up having psycho-parsnip counselling (hahaha, this paragraph is making me giggle - oooh, the dangers of a psychotic parsnip to a marriage, hehehe!!) and that lasted a whole YEAR before things were getting back to normal in that dept. But things had got pretty bad. We definitely don't want to get to that state again, and we will if we don't encourage some intimacy in our relationship. Lack of intimacy breeds lack of intimacy, just as the opposite is true. We learnt this the hard way and now we know the signs and how to fix it. But it was a difficult path, doing that last time.
Soooo we decided we are too knackered for parsnips anyway, and besides parsnips seem to be just the most unappealing um, vegetable (!!) ever since Arthur was born. (by the way, I absolutely ADORE real parsnips! Just wanted to point that out!)
So we chatted. We are going to try to have some time in the evenings when Arthur is asleep, to talk about things other than Arthur and parenting and Neil's obsession of must-provide-for-family-with-large-house-that-we'll-never-afford! This obsession is turning him into a nervous wreck about our family's future, which is crazy, since we DO NOT NEED a huge house to be a happy and satisfied family. Of coures it would be nice, and I know it's quite normal for men (breadwinner-type-men, that is) to have this as their main concern after becoming fathers, but he seems to have gone into overdrive with it, and is burning himself out worrying about finances (that aren't in any trouble at the moment) and houses and schools, etc. I love that he's so thoughful and anxious to provide well for me and for his children, but I do wish he could let go just for a few hours a day so that he doesn't go crazy with it. And also realise that he doesn't NEED to go to such extremes to provide all that his family need.
Anyway. We ended up reminiscing (sp?!) about how we started dating - awww that was so nice to talk about! I haven't thought about those days for a while, and it's been even longer since I spent time chatting to Neil about it. It worked because we both felt much more close and mushy by the end of the evening :) We are going to set time aside to do more good-times reminiscing soon! I read once that if you are finding yourself always irritated or making note of negative things about your spouse, you should focus on positive things about them and remember the reasons that you fell in love with them. I need to do that, because I do get so that I find fault with Neil a lot, and it's not fair of me to do that. So I thought the reminiscing thing would work in the same way, for both of us, and I'm glad it did :)
When I told my mum I have my smear on Monday, she (knowing the issues behind it) told me I just needed a weekend of hot parsnips. *shudder* I love being close to my mum, but there's something soooo ewww-y about having her say stuff like that to me! And it's not going to happen. Hot parsnips, that is. Hot WATER BOTTLES, maybe! I hope my back gets better soon...
Okay one last thing (Arthur has been asleep another hour now!), I am still not planning to give Arthur any solids till 7 months, but during the week I was eating an (organic!) apple and he was sitting on my lap. He started reaching for it, and then I realised how wonderful it was, because it was the first time I was eating food for ME, and it was safe for me to share with him in its "adult" form!! Woohoo! So when he acted interested, I just handed it to him! Yay! I made sure there were no loose bits for him to choke on, and it was a firm, crisp apple so he couldn't bite bits out of it with his no-teeth. He seemed THRILLED that I gave him some of my food! He sucked and sucked on that apple, where I had taken a bite and it was juicy. It was lovely knowing the juice was perfectly safe and fine for him too :) Now and then I bent down and took a bite from the other side while he sucked on "his" side! It was lovely. After I was done, he didn't want to let go of the apple, so I sat him on the floor with cushions behind him incase he launched himself backwards, and gave him the apple to hold and suck on. He dropped it in his lap once, but went straight to work picking it up again, and it went right back in his mouth.
Here are a couple of photos of Arthur enjoying his first real grown-up food!... (not that he actually ate any, but I'm sure he got some good juice!)...
See his hair? It's still so fine but it is much thicker than before. It's much easier for us to see his cow-lick at the front now, as the hair grows in more. But the top won't lie flat for anything. In the bath it just goes curly if it's wet, rather than lie flat. But the sides and back lie flat very nicely. Except that he still has a huge bald patch at the back! When will that EVER grow out?!
Okay that is all for now. I will write again soon. Must get Mr. Arthur weighed again soon to keep track of his enormous growth spurt! :)
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