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2006-11-29 - 11.48pm previous entry next entry
Discipline issues and more clips and pics
I have about 0.2 seconds to write because Matthew is napping and will wake in about.... 0.2 seconds, probably! I just managed to get Arthur to take his nap, and it's 2.45pm. Urgh.
Today is a bit urgh, in the small people department. They are both teething, and grumpy about it I think. They both had an amazingly late lie-in this morning, how weird that it's odd for BOTH of them and yet they did it on the same morning?! Arthur slept till 7.40am - absolutely unheard of for Arthur!! He's usually up and about by 6am. Matthew slept till 7.50, which is unusual for him too. He is often up by 6.30 these days, but sometimes might sleep till 7ish. But they haven't been all that cheery for the extra sleep, unfortunately.
The last few days and weeks are beginning to get a little... different, shall we say?! With Arthur, that is. He has been somewhat of an energetic handful for a good long time! But lately he seems to be getting more "two-ish" or something. He's doing loads more things that require discipline, and he's responding angrily to discipline a lot more now. He has a lot more angry or frustrated outbursts at things - toys, being told he can't do/have something when he wants it, feelings he can't figure out how to express, etc.
Discipline is still the naughty chair, and we have a few house rules that mean he goes straight to the naughty chair if he breaks one, without a warning. Everything else, he gets a warning first and then if he does it again, he goes to the naughty chair for 2 minutes. If he gets off, his 2 minutes start again. He gets off A LOT. Like 20 times, sometimes. But I think he's beginning to get the picture. Our house rules are things like, no hitting, pushing, or biting people. He doesn't do these things out of malice, but he gets over excited/frustrated/enthusiastic over things and will thump Matthew with his fist on his back, or push too hard on him so that it hurts him. He doesn't bite. But it's a rule all the same, just in case he ever does! If he thumps gently enough so that Matthew is not hurt, then we warn him first, but if he just goes up to him and wallops him then it's straight to the naughty chair. We haven't had many of those incidents, but I am noticing a few more lately than before. Hmmm. The other morning he walked up to Matthew, who was lying on the floor mat on his tummy looking around, and kicked him in the head! Neil said he nearly walloped Arthur, such was his instinctive surge of feelings towards Matthew, but he didn't. He went on the naughty chair.
Arthur is doing stuff that is just a real pain to deal with, and when I'm particularly sleep deprived or knackered, I find it very hard to deal with. Especially if it's one thing after another (after another, after another). Jemma's entry about Jaya's monkey morning really made me smile - though it was HARD for her! It sounded so familiar, and I could relate so much. It's so odd in some ways, to have been reading all these diaries at Diaryland from when Arthur was born - some from during my pregnancy with him - of other mums with their little ones the same age, and see that they are all turning two and becoming rather a handful! It makes me feel better somehow - though I think Jaya has got the edge on most troublesome two-year-olds! ;)
I am not sure the naughty chair is working all that well, but I don't know what else to do really. Arthur has had a few smacks over the last few weeks, but I do NOT want to do that. I don't think it's the right way to go about it, and I don't want to hurt him in disciplining him, physically. Yesterday I put him on the naughty chair when we got home for something he did in the car park in town, and when I sat him there, he crossly smacked me in the face and nearly knocked my glasses off! He got an instant smack on the leg for that, even though that feels completely the WRONG thing to do (what does that teach him?!), and immediately whacked me in the face again. He did not try it again after the second smack, and I then followed through with the naughty chair thing as planned. I just didn't know what else to do to absolutely GRAB control of that situation and let him know that I would not tolerate that for even ONE SECOND. It had to be dealt with instantly, and very firmly. I do explain to him in no-nonsense terms, when I smack him - I don't just smack him and say nothing. But it does not feel right. I just don't know what else to do. He was already on the naughty chair and I can't be looking like I'm not sure how to handle it, when he hits me. But I don't know. Smacking doesn't have a great track record for actually WORKING in the long run, unless you have a child who is the type who'll respond to it well. I don't think it will work for Arthur. Some things depend on the type of child.
Arthur is like I was - a real handful (apparently it gets worse before it gets better, according to my mum!), and I got smacked a lot for stuff, and it had no apparent effect on my behaviour. I wasn't naughty, as in, a horribly behaved child, or anything. I just was like Arthur. Too much energy and very stubborn and independent with my mother! Apparently Mummy was the same, hehe. She told me that her own mother once had a friend tell her that if she had another like herself it would kill her! I think her mother was the same way when SHE was a child though. Mummy tells me it will "stand me in good stead" to deal with Arthur, but so far I am not noticing the benefits. If anything it just seems to make me more irritated by his behaviour! She also told me that a spirited child is WELL worth the hard work ;) Which does make me feel better! I already know he is worth any hard work, of course, and I love him to bits, but urrrgh he is hard work right now. I have a sneaky feeling he is just getting warmed up as well. I need some new ways to manage - both Arthur and myself.
He bangs his head like CRAZY at the moment. I hate it when he does that!
Oh Matthew is awake. I'll save this to Word and finish it later.
It's 9pm now, and Oh My Gosh I am so exhausted. I just feel like the flesh is hanging heavy on my face, I feel so so so wiped out today. Neil has gone for pizza (not that we should be spending the money) but I still feel like I'll be too tired to eat it. I just wanted to finish this a bit so I can post what I wrote earlier. There's still so much more that I wanted to write but I'll just have to try again another day.
I was going to write more about Arthur and the things he has been doing lately that are driving me crazy. Maybe there's no need? But I had wanted to get some of it off my chest, and also partly to make note of it so that one day I'll be able to read it back and laugh about it! I'm sure that day will come, and he's a COMPLETE sweetie pie outside of these maddening things, so it's okay!
Twice this week (it's only Wednesday), Arthur has emptied a full glass of water over the bookshelves with the hi-fi and all our videos on them. Yeurgh. He does it when I'm upstairs putting Matthew to bed. He climbs on anything, usually the laundry basket turned upside-down, to reach all sorts of things in the kitchen that he shouldn't have access to. I just don't know what to do about it! We have too little space to store all our things under lock and key, or too many things, but we pretty much need all of them, and our loft is just groaning from all the stuff in it that we can't throw away. At least he isn't climbing over the stairgate yet! I'm dreading that one.
He has taken to shouting, "Oh no! HELP!" when he thinks he's having trouble, only he pretty much cries wolf most of the time. I used to come running as he sounds so urgent with his shouts of "HELP! HELP!!" only to find him in a perfectly easy position for him to get himself out of! Sometimes ridiculously easy, like say he has one foot up on the sofa and the other on the floor! Cheeky monkey! I think he gets himself into situations just so that he can call for help to get out of them sometimes. He climbed into a little space on the shelf with the hi-fi (no idea how he managed to!) and got thoroughly stuck and shouted for help.
Every day he pulls all the videos off the shelves and takes the covers off. He has been doing this for maybe 7 or 8 months, but he really goes to town on them now. We just have nowhere else to put them. At all. Two videos are in the bin from having their insides pulled out, and nearly all of our blank videos (with things recorded on them now, obviously) have had their boxes ripped to shreds by Arthur. I feel like I should be taking a stronger line with him over it, but then they're right there for him to meddle with. I should put them away, but we've been over and over where we could put them, and there just isn't anywhere. We need a bigger house! Ours is tiny, but still lovely. I will be sad to leave it, but we were definitely outgrowing it before Matthew was born, even.
Yesterday he got poo out of a dirty nappy and dropped it on the living room carpet while I was putting Matthew to bed. Urgh! Oh, that reminds me - he shouts "HELP!" when he's pooing in his nappy, too. He gets anxious and tenses up, and shouts, "HELP! Poo! Mummy help!" He isn't constipated so I can't understand why he does it.
The other things that are bugging the heck out of me at the moment are screaming, shouting and spitting. I hear you all gasp in horror after all the sweetie-pie things I say about Arthur and how lovable he looks in the photos! ;) But yes, he does all of the above, and more these days than he used to. And I can't. Stand. It! It's a discipline thing - does this mean I'm not disciplining him right or something? I just feel like I have NO idea what I'm doing, none at all, over this aspect of parenting.
Sometimes when he's on the naughty chair, he SCREAMS like nails on a blackboard for as long as he can hold it, with as much force behind it as possible. It makes my ears wow and smart. And yet as per naughty chair rules, I'm meant to not bat an eyelid and keep ignoring him. It's sooooooo hard! Matthew used to be so frightened by his loud noises, especially a shout or scream. He would cry inconsolably, but now he is getting used to it! He just lies on the floor a few feet from where Arthur is sitting on the naughty chair and stares at him with a confused/intrigued/slightly disgusted expression while he screams his head off! So that's something at least - Matthew has been able to get used to it and isn't scared much any more. I usually pick Matthew up and remove both of us from the room that Arthur is in. I sometimes just wish I had a mute button, for a moment of peace! But especially when he screams or shouts. He often screams or shouts like that at random times, as though he has too much of something that is pent up and he's letting it out. He has sooo much energy all the time. It's like he doesn't know what to do with himself, and I don't know what to do with him either.
He shouts a LOT, just long wordless yells. I think he lets off steam doing it, or sometimes he is over-excited and has to shout and shout or it looks like he'll explode! But I hate it. I just don't want all that NOISE around me. I know kids make noise, and maybe it's wrong of me therefore, but I just can't stand all this forceful LOUD noise. I can't speak to him over it, so he can use it to effectively mute me when I'm trying to tell him not to shout or whatever.
Urgh. It feels like a bit of a battleground lately with Arthur. On and off, in between times where he's lovely and sweet and cheery and happy. He seems happy all the time, as always, but he gets frustrated at the drop of a hat more easily, and angry or pent up more easily. Is that just his age? I figure it is, but maybe I'm wrong. I'm not sure if I know anything about kids or parenting right now!
He spits just to see the drool hang down and pool somewhere, yucky boy! I hate hate hate it when he spits, and always warn him not to do it or else he goes on the naughty chair. I tell him it's not nice to spit and that Mummy won't tolerate it. He very rarely actually minds me, whatever it is I'm asking of him, which sucks and makes me feel embarrassed of either myself as a parent or of my own child. 'Cause either it's me doing something wrong or else Arthur is a little horror. What else could it be? My mum tells me that he's lovely and I'm not a crappy mummy, but that I have a LIVE one here and difficult ages are going to be all the more difficult because of that.
On Monday when he was on the naughty chair for something, after he had done screaming and got nothing out of it, he started spitting down the back of the chair. He didn't get off the chair, so when his two minutes were up I was meant to let him down if he apologised. But I told him the time was up, but I was not going to get him down from the naughty chair while he was spitting, because it was disgusting and I did not want him doing it. He didn't like that, and stopped right away. After he said sorry to me for the original mischief, I was giving him a cuddle and a kiss when he turned to the naughty chair and said, "Soy, tair, sbipping!" (sorry, chair, for spitting!) He has started to spontaneously say sorry to other things after he gets down, like if he threw a car across the room near Matthew then he goes and says, "Soy car, fwoah" (sorry, car, throw). He says sorry to Matthew nicely if he has hurt him. He just can't stay out of mischief for long, and so it seems like he's always on the darn chair. I am not sure about whether it's meant to be this way?
Annnnyway.
Some NICE things about Arthur! I love him sooooooo much. He has the cutest cheeks, which are being closely rivalled by Matthew's little cheekie-poos! My cold sore FINALLY bit the dust yesterday, and today I swear I nearly cried with the blissful relief and joy of plunging huge smoochy kisses into those soft little cheeks again! I have missed kissing my boys SO much! I could EAT Matthew alive. I kid you not. He is almost edible ;)
Arthur says some sweet things. He says, "Don' wuwwy!" in such a sympathetic tone that he must have heard from me, if something is going wrong, or he'll say it to Matthew with a hand laid on his back, if he's fussing or crying. He says, "Hang on!" at appropriate moments, when suddenly thinking of something or looking for a toy, or something like that. It's his sweet tone of voice that does it, those serious tones spoken in such a tiny chipmunky little voice! So cute.
He loves counting TWO of things. He says, "One... TWO!" and gets excited. He uses the word, "sy-tin!" (exciting) all the time lately! He says it with his shoulders hunched up and his fists balled up under his chin, huge gleeful grin on his face! Sometimes he SHAKES with the physical tension of such excitement, hehe! The thing he says, "sy-tin!" to most is breastfeeding :) How sweet! He'll nurse and then pop off and ask, "New bwest?" (asking for the other side), and while he waits for me to undo my bra on that side, he scrunches up with glee and whispers, "Sy-tin!!" He also says it when I am making him tea, especially if it's toast or soup! Or when I say we're going out in the car :) He also finds church "sy-tin!" which is sweet.
It was so nice to go to church on Sunday. First time in a few weeks again though. I WISH we could pull ourselves together to go more regularly. I miss feeling fully PART of a church. We're embraced as though we are, and we're members, etc, but WE lose that feeling if we don't keep attending regularly. We miss out. Did I mention that Arthur went out to run after the service, with Neil, and ran into a deeeeep puddle? He loves puddles, as you know! This one was like a LAKE. He was wearing his wellies, but that didn't do much good when he fell BACKWARDS and lay down in freezing mud and water, gasping at the cold! He got soaked, and I'm so glad I always take a full change of clothes and nappy for him everywhere I go! He did not seem impressed with getting that cold and wet! He just can't resist puddles though.
He tells me what Matthew is doing if I'm busy in the kitchen making lunch and I can't tell what's going on in the other room. I will call to him, "Arthur, are you okay in there?" and he calls back, "Yeah, okay now!" ("now" is added to many phrases, if they relate to RIGHT NOW for Arthur, eg. "Watch twain now" if he wants to watch Thomas the Tank Engine). So then I call, "Can you tell me what Matthew is doing? Is he okay?" and the reply comes, "Okay now!" I call back, "What's he doing?" and Arthur says, "Ma-Ma pay car, Ma-Ma bite!" which tells me that Matthew is playing with one of Arthur's toy cars (the safe ones for babies) and is biting it! So that is very helpful, and he likes to help me by telling me what Matthew is doing. He keeps up a running commentary on things like that anyway, even when I'm in the room, and he talks to himself and his toys during his play now too, which is really sweet to listen to! His little voice sing-songs up and down as he chats away cheerfully. It always makes me smile as I go about other things and listen to him playing and chatting! If Matthew is crying in the car, Arthur will leeeean out from his car seat as far as he can to touch Matthew's hand with his, and he says, "Oh Ma-Ma! Okay now..." He's such a sweetie. I think I say that a lot, now I come to think of it - "It's okay now" when the boys are crying over something and I'm intervening to make things better.
Okay I am talked out, and knackered, and I feel better for writing it all down and especially for finishing with LOVELY things about my little monkey boy! He is hard work. But also so precious, and I couldn't be without him, difficult stuff and all.
Oh, I almost forgot! I must post those video clips and photos that I kept forgetting to post the last couple of entries, otherwise they'll get too out of date to post. First of all, here is one of Arthur while I was getting his baked beans on toast ready at tea time this evening. I took it to use up the last 80 seconds or so on the camcorder tape so I could load it with a new one. Arthur likes to see himself ("See Ah-yah!") or me while I'm filming, and the camcorder has a rotating mini screen that I can turn towards him so he can see while I'm still filming him :) Also, you get to see our hideously messy kitchen. Note that I am not going to show you the surfaces though! The laundry piles are so awful - Arthur climbs on them like they are mountains. But at least they are CLEAN washing waiting to be folded! Anyway, here he is this evening: [edited to add: stupid audioblog keeps making this the wrong clip - one I have posted further on in this entry. I tried to change it back so hopefully it's this evening's clip again now]
The weekend before last, we decided it was time to re-decorate our little porch. The horrid old wallpaper from the previous owners was peeling off (not helped by Arthur, who pulls at it constantly!) and it was just long overdue. So Neil got Arthur to help him clear the coats and shoes from the porch, and then pull the paper off the walls! He was so thrilled to help! Tidying or clearing, and pulling paper off walls are exciting things for Arthur! ;) I took two video clips - one where he's helping to clera the coats, and the other where he's helping to pull the paper off. Also three photos of him pulling paper off with Neil. I love how he says, "Ank-oo Daddy!" every time Neil hands him a coat to put in the living room! For all his difficult behaviour lately, he actually is a really sweet polite little boy. His difficult stuff is reserved for us mostly. He says please and thank you nicely, and thanks people by name without prompting, unless he's toooo shy to even talk to them. He'll thank them if I ask him to though. Anyway, here are the photos and clips - the "clearing out" clip first and the "pulling paper" one afterwards:
And lastly, for now, here is the monkey boy playing a slightly crazy version of one of his favourite games - phones! He loves to snatch something to his ear (or neck, as it usually turns out!) and say, "Ah-row?!" (the way he pronounces "Hello" for the phone!). Then he says various conversationy things that he obviously hears when I am on the phone and does some fake laughing, and says, "Bye!" and puts it down again. One day last week, he was doing this, and suddenly it was like he went into overdrive and started picking up one item after another, having a quick conversation (they got faster and shorter over time!) and then putting it down to snatch another up! His conversation got narrowed down to "Ah-row?!.... Oh no!.... (short and weird sounding fake laugh!).... Bye!" He got so focused on it, and wouldn't even stop to tell me who was on the phone when I asked him. He usually says, "Nana!" :) I filmed him. He didn't even stop to try and get at the camcorder!
And right after that he played with his Wacky Stick with Matthew, telling me "Ma-Ma like!" which he says ALL the time for everything at the moment, and it means, "Matthew likes this!" He says, "Ma-Ma like bowl!", "Ma-Ma like bow wah-bees!" (Matthew likes me to blow raspberries on him!), "Ma-Ma like Pubbie" (Matthew likes Teletubbies) - the list is endless! Anyway, on this occasion it was the Wacky Stick ;) I really hope all those clips work - that they're the ones they're supposed to be. I'm having trouble at audioblog with that kind of thing at the moment. Clips keep replacing each other and not being the ones they're supposed to be, which is very annoying! I should move to You Tube, or whatever it's called.
[edited to add - this one might not be working either, tsk! It keeps changing with the one of Arthur from this evening.]
[edited again to add - it didn't work, so I joined You Tube and here, I hope THIS works!... It might take a while to finish uploading before it's viewable, but it's too late for me to wait up to confirm that it has worked, so I'll just have to go to bed and post this entry and be done with it!]
I have sooo much more to write! Oh well. But here are a couple of photos from 2 weeks ago - Matthew "reading" his book, and Matthew eating his toes - something Arthur NEVER did. He never played with his feet at all, maybe because of his time in plaster casts over those early months? Matthew is crazy for holding his feet and stuffing them in his mouth! Here are those photos:
And guess who went up onto their hands and knees today and looked just like a little square table?! Yup. He is soooo eager to move. He worked for ages to get his balance with his knees under him good enough to draw his arms up, and for all his efforts, he only managed it once. He tried to lift his head once he was on all-fours, to see ahead, but the combination of muscular effort seemed to be too much too soon, and he flopped back down. He is so gonna crawl before I'm ready! And 2 weeks till solids! I think I'll get him weighed next week. He's getting so big so fast!
I have more photos for next entry. I'll try to write again soon. Mallory, an email with photos is coming your way SOON! Thank you for the lovely lovely package for the boys! xxx
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