Email me
2007-08-18 - 10.48pm previous entry next entry
Getting closer to God, and a ton of boy-related updatey stuff!
Yay, I'm so excited to be back again just 3 days later!!! Gasp! ;)
Thank you SO much for all the messages after my last entry. You were all so encouraging and said such nice things! And gave good advice too. Thank you!! Every single message really helped me a lot.
I feel quite a lot better about things now, which is great! I have spent more time with God, but mostly just making sure I am focused on him throughout the day, etc. I pray when I get up so that my day gets off to the right start - just as I'm getting up out of bed, not a long thing. And I snatch prayer times throughout the day. If I'm at the kitchen sink refilling a little boy's sippy cup of water, I pray then, just while the water is running. It's enough time to ask for help with my flagging energy, or for inspiration for activities over the next hour, or for guidance over discipline, etc.
The day before yesterday there was a time for about 10 minutes when Matthew was asleep for his afternoon nap, and Arthur was well settled in his room for Big Boy Quiet Time (oh, I ought to write about that in a minute! I talked about it in my pregnancy diary but not here, I don't think). I couldn't decide what to do for my short time with the little ones occupied elsewhere, and in the end I just craved reading the Bible, so I went up and sat on the bed next to Matthew's cot, and read my Bible! It was so nice! Then after I read a bit, I prayed about the stuff I read. It was a short time, but it felt like soooo much more than just a few quick minutes. So that kind of thing is encouraging me!
I talked with Neil about the way I have been feeling (re. God) and he had already mentioned about the Christian book on discipline we're reading, and how it suggests that as parents we need to live by example, as in, our faith in God. We haven't been doing that for a long while. And we both feel it's really important that we do. We want it to be completely normal and usual for the kids to see prayer and heartfelt worship in their own home, and also for us to talk about God with the love we have for him a lot. There's more we want to do on that kind of theme in the long run, but for now we have decided to have a family prayer time in the morning before Neil goes to work. Right now, it's literally a quick prayer for a matter of seconds. But we have talked with Arthur about it, and he knows it's Family Prayer Time. We make sure the boys are both sitting with us so we can pray, and then Neil and I (or one of us) will pray out loud, but not like we have been praying with Arthur at bedtime about bad dreams and such - in those instances we have been praying using very simple language and keeping the prayers quick and childlike, so he can relate to them I guess. In Family Prayer Time, Neil and I pray like we would with other adults, or each other. We want the children to see us doing what we do, and being embraced into that.
We might start having a song that we sing before praying. I usually fall out of bed just minutes before Family Prayer Time, as Neil goes to work shortly afterwards (and he gets up with the boys - he has to get up then anyway to get ready for work - so I can cram as much precious sleep as possible for the day ahead!). I think I will sometimes find it hard to really get into the right frame of mind to pray when I'm totally bleary and sleepy. I know that for me, worship wakes my soul up, no matter the circumstance, so I asked if we could have some worship time before we pray in the mornings. I have had Christian music playing during the day sometimes, especially if I feel my energy is really on the floor, or I am getting exasperated with the kids or something. I put it on and sometimes I sing to it, and other times it just helps to have it in the background. It helps me to focus on God more. The boys don't mind it and it means the TV is off more (YAY!!!). I have some children's Christian CDs too - one or two are really funny and bouncy and Arthur loves "Lovely Jubbly" (Doug Horley), which he calls "The Poo Song" (!!) as it has a line about how God made birds that poo on your shoe, hehe! He laughs till he cries at that line, every time :)
Anyway, so it is going better!
I am praying over the boys every night before bed, and that is HUGELY powerful for me. It was quite by accident, the night of my last entry. I thought I would just check on Arthur to see if he was too hot in bed (he wasn't), and he was just soooooo beautiful, lying there so fast asleep. I lay next to him for ages and ages and just watched him sleeping. My mindset is so changed towards my children when I watch them sleeping. They may have driven me half out of my tree during the day, and I may have been relieved to see them go to sleep at bedtime, but once they are asleep, everything melts away as I watch them and I only feel this huge surge of love and an almost animalistic urge to protect them and do what's best for them. That is a good place to be, when it comes to praying for them, and about raising them right. So after I watched him sleep for a long time, I began to pray. I prayed for a long time, and he didn't stir at all.
I prayed about me, how I am doing as his mummy, and for guidance over lots of different things. I prayed for Arthur - loooads of things specifically. I laid my hands on his sweet body and asked God to bless him. I asked forgiveness for things I was doing wrong - not as God would have me do. I felt so close to God and so close to Arthur, all at once. I prayed in tongues and praised God for my sweet little boy. It was a lovely time!! Then I went to Matthew's room and prayed for him too. I didn't pray for nearly as long, and I couldn't get right in there with him because of the fact that he was waaaay down in his cot (mattress on the lowest setting now) with all those high BARS all around. *sigh* Some aspects of cots really don't sit too well with me. I'm happy that he sleeps in a cot, but it doesn't feel natural to be so cut off from him by bars! Anyway, but I prayed for my tiny boy too. I was at least able to lay my hand on his back, but he was more stirry than Arthur was! Then I lay down in bed to go to sleep and put my hand on my new little bumpy bit, and prayed for my little beany person!
There's so much responsibility with having children. The more children you have, the more children you are responsible for (obviously! But it sort of hit me anyway). So it's WONDERFUL that God is right there to help and guide and take the burden of everything. Not that children ARE a burden. I mean, there is a lot on the shoulders of a parent with several small children. God can take the weight of that and help me as I raise them. I'm so so glad and grateful.
Last night, Neil and I were praying together for a bit - we are praying together more about stuff, yay!!! Just quickly when we get time, but still. I'm so excited about that! Anyway, a few weeks ago, a lady from church and her teenage daughter came to help me get the boys' lunch for them and play with them for an hour or so. They did our food shopping for us beforehand and brought it with them. They gave me the receipt from the shopping so that we could pay them back when we had cash to do so (I didn't have any in the house at the time). This was when I was on bedrest briefly with my big scary bleed at 11 weeks. Anyway, I am SO ashamed that 2 weeks went by and still we had not repaid them! How awful is that. We had spoken to them at church and they had said we could just put a cheque in the post if that was easier (we NEVER seem to have cash on us!). So the week went by and still I didn't remember to put that cheque in the post. Finally last night (Friday), we decided one of us would drive round to their house with a cheque and be done with it! We should have done that AGES ago, but never mind. It's worse because that family are short for money at the moment, urgh. I feel sooooo bad.
Anyway. Last night after the boys were in bed, we were getting the chequebook out and talking about what to say in the thank-you card, etc, and both of us said how we felt we wanted to give them more back than we owed them. So we stopped what we were doing and prayed about it, and asked God if we should give them a gift in his name, and if so, how much? Neil wanted us to pray because he said *I* might hear something from God about it. Tsk! He never really hears guidance from God when he prays and is generally quite negative about it. It bugs me. It's like he closes off to hearing God's voice before he even gives him a chance, with his attitude. But anyway! Sometimes I DO hear God's voice on things, when we pray and wait on God. So we prayed, and waited. The grocery bill was �33.47 and my head was thinking that maybe we could give them �50 or even �100. I waited for God to confirm one of those figures. Within seconds, I started to feel that God would have them receive TENFOLD what they paid! My ungenerous mind (sigh) started to think, no no, I will wait a bit longer and see if God comes up with something less expensive! We can't afford anything like that anyway. We had a message on the phone from the guy at church who we need DIY help from, to get our house ready to sell. He has time to help us, and is thinking of us paying him �100 a day plus expenses, and though we can't POSSIBLY sell the house without some work done first, we can't think how we can afford his help! That was literally 20 or 30 minutes before we were praying about this, so my mind was all fresh about not being able to afford stuff!
Anyway, I waited and waited, and allll that was in my head was the word "ten-fold" over and over and over, giving me no rest at all! Eventually I looked at Neil and asked him if he felt God had spoken to him. He wouldn't say, because he wanted to hear from me first. I would not give in, so in the end he said he felt we should be giving more than we'd first thought. I said I had been unable to shake the word, "ten-fold" and he was SO excited and said that the very first thing that came to mind when we were praying was the word "ten-fold", but he instantly dismissed it because he felt it was too much and I wouldn't agree!!! So, we JOYFULLY wrote a cheque for �334.70 and I drove round to give these lovely people the cheque and a card. I explained that we had been praying and that we felt God would want to bless them with this money. I can't DESCRIBE the joy I felt!!! They accepted it happily and also encouraged us over having been obedient to God's calling :) Which was so nice! They did say for a moment, "But, you can't afford to give us this much!" and I just said, "I know! Isn't it GREAT?!" and we all laughed, hehe! I ALWAYS know it's God when we give a large sum of money away as a direct result of God asking us to do so (and specifying the amount), because of the incredible joy and abandonment that comes with it. There is literally nothing else like it. It's exhilarating to know that we don't have that money in the bank! Not from a "dangerous thrill" perspective, but because it's such a FREEDOM to think that God knows full well what is in our bank account, and the fact that we're obedient when he asks us to give more than we have is just so exciting. We have never had an occasion where we give financially like this and DON'T get seriously blessed financially in return. Ever. I don't know my Bible well enough (which I SO want to change), but doesn't it say about when you give, God brings it back to you in a greater amount than you gave out? Or something? Anyway. We have always received more than we gave - usually exactly what we need for something urgent at the time. When we moved house last time, years ago, we had recently given money like this and there was an unexpected problem at the very last minute with our purchase of this house that we're living in. We needed THOUSANDS of pounds. We literally sat on the bed to pray about it, and the phone rang when we had finished! It was my dad, offering us basically the exact number of thousands of pounds that we needed. My parents had just felt that they wanted to give us that money as it might help us to have it (not knowing about our sudden need). He even said, "I hope you haven't been praying!" - he is NOT a Christian and it hugely annoyed him that we'd just prayed for that money and HE was chosen to bless us with it, haha! ;)
Anyway. I'm SO excited that God chose us to bless this family, and SO excited that we just put ourselves in a sticky situation financially in God's name! I wrote it all out here because I have such complete faith that God will now bless us abundantly. You just watch my God bless us!!! ;) He is so faithful.
Driving out that evening also gave me some alone time in the dark in my car, and I took a worship CD with me (my much-scratched and battered Michael W. Smith "Worship" CD). Some of the tracks wouldn't play because it has been kind of scratched, but I had some lovely time with the tracks that would play! I remembered what some of you guys said in my comments about getting away even for a short time (like that walk last year or sometime) to be OUT and pray. I can really connect to God quickly if I am on my own, out of my house, especially somewhere vaguely private, like walking in a park or in my car. I had forgotten about it! Thank you for reminding me! That's just the kind of thing I need to do. I would have done it today but I have had a bad headache. I will definitely try to do that more often, maybe every weekend when Neil is home to watch the boys? Or some evenings if I feel the need, maybe.
So I feel way better about things! I have also been searching the internet like CRAZY for stuff like Bible studies that are specifically for women, or mothers, etc. I want to read my Bible, but at the moment I particularly want to get stuck into verses and passages that will guide and encourage me over things that I'm going through right now. I'm also generally looking for Christian sites that have good advice about parenting in general and discipline, etc.
Thanks Jennifer for suggesting the Duggar family website! I have heard of them - they had just had their 14th child when I was pregnant with Arthur (or had just had him?) so I have vaguely kept up with their news since then, with interest. I think everything they stand for is GREAT, personally! :) I know they get a lot of flack, but I love what they're doing. Anyway, I went to their site after I read your message, and followed links there to some really useful places. In particular, Titus 2.com which has some reeeeally helpful articles written by these parents of 8 kids (under the Dad's/Mom's corners section, if anyone is interested!). There are so many to read in the archives, and I have already had lots of help from them over things like anger with the kids and my attitude. There's SO MUCH MORE! I am able to treat these as the precious Bible studies that I've been looking for, because they are based on Bible verses and I can get my Bible out and read the verses and then really think about what they mean as I read the article. Sooooo helpful! I'm so excited to have found it! They are a homeschooling family (as are the Duggars) so that is of great interest to me as well!
So, overall, yay! :)
It's getting late now (waffled more than expected, as usual!), so I will try to post some more pictures and then go to bed. Oh, I forgot to say - Arthur has stopped having naps. I think it has been 3 weeks now since he has napped. He has taken the odd nap (maybe 2 or 3 times) in that time, but it has NEVER been worth it - he has always been up till 9.30 or 10pm being kind of difficult, even with a 30 minute snooze in the afternoon. With no nap, he's out like a light as early as we can put him to bed! He is often asleep before Matthew, whose afternoon nap is finishing juuust a little bit too late for him to be ready for sleep again at bedtime. He can't seem to manage with just one nap yet, so I'm not sure what to do about that. But Arthur will be asleep for 7.30pm if we can get him in bed for then. He breastfeeds right before sleep, and sometimes falls asleep within a minute or two on the breast. Other times, I take him off and pat his back for a moment and he's out. The idea was never that he'd depend on us to fall asleep, but he's going to sleep so fast that we don't really have time to leave the room before he's out, at the moment! He sleeps right through and wakes between 6am and 6.30, usually. If we haven't been able to get him to bed till after 8pm (which is the norm at the moment since Neil isn't home from work till after 7pm), he sleeps till almost 7 the next morning. I wish we could consistently get him to bed so he can fall asleep before 7.30. I think even 7pm would be great for him. But with Neil commuting and getting home late, that is very hard to achieve. The boys need to see their daddy, and at the moment I need some help to get them ready for bed. Although, I can now bath them and get them dressed for bed by myself :) I discovered it the other week when I just DID it and found that I could! Also, Neil worked late last night and didn't get home till 8pm. So I got the boys ready for bed after the three of us ate dinner (Neil's was ready and waiting for him too!), and put Matthew to bed, intending to take Arthur up right afterwards, when Neil got home as I was just finishing putting Matthew down. Matthew wasn't asleep yet so Neil went to say hello/night-night, and then he read to Arthur before Arthur went to sleep. But I almost did it all by myself! It's getting easier. I am just learning that I need to be seriously organised. And accept being busy in the home as a Godly calling - a JOYFUL one at that ("Then [the older women] can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:4-5), instead of a hardship, which I think my attitude has become lately. I love this verse!! It's so helpful to me. I can't wait to read more wonderful stuff like this in the Bible!! :) I can see I SERIOUSLY need help with the bit about being self-controlled and pure. Seriously. And the rest of that verse, too, but right now I am going to focus on becoming self-controlled. It's a fruit of the Spirit, and so I need God's help with that. I have very little self-control these days so I think I will be a tough nut to crack! But I am willing and eager, and God is good and faithful, so that's alright :)
Instead of naps, the very first day he properly refused to nap, I told him that if he was big enough to stop having naps, then he was big enough to start having Big Boy Quiet Time! I made a big deal of it and he seemed excited to hear more about it, so I told him that big boys got to play quietly in their rooms all by themselves for a while, instead of naps! I told him he could take any toys he liked, so long as they were quiet toys. He was really eager! So we started from there.
At first he was happy playing with cars on the bed, but after a few days the novelty started wearing off a bit, and he came out of the room more and more, and made noise and jumped about sometimes too. At that point I was concerned about how to enforce it - I DO want to enforce it. I like the way the large families I read about online have a set quiet time in their day (or two, sometimes) - and their well-disciplined children sometimes have 2 hours of quiet play in their rooms! That's better than naps for me! I will know the kids will be occupied and if I can get it properly sorted, they will know that they have to stay put and play quietly for a good while. That is more freeing than when they're asleep and I have no idea how long they'll sleep for. I'm always "on call" at any given second, for when they wake up. I will feel more relaxed knowing that the kids are occupied in Quiet Time for a good while, so I can get things done, or have my own quiet time. But I didn't know how on earth to enforce it, or get it going properly. One afternoon I left Arthur upstairs having Quiet Time, and was praying on the way downstairs that God would help me find some help on the subject. I set up the laptop straight away and searched online for answers but didn't really find what I was looking for. Then I thought I would just check a few diaries and blogs that I normally read, and one of them was Sarah's. The VERY latest entry right at the top was dated August 1st 2007 - that very day! It was entitled, 'Sanity Spelled "Roomtime"' and contained basically everything I needed to know! Thank you God! So, the next day I made changes to Arthur's Big Boy Quiet Time. I let him choose a snack, and he had his drink and snack all by himself in the bedroom, which he was very pleased about! I bought him a couple of special toys that were ONLY for Big Boy Quiet Time. They are a roap-map floor mat, which he can drive his cars around, and a big car transporter that he can drive his cars onto (he LOVES car transporters at the moment). He is not allowed to have those downstairs, or play with them outside of Quiet Time. They are special toys that Matthew can't play with because they are Arthur's for Big Boy Quiet Time. Also, I closed the bedroom door on him. He didn't like this on the first day, but I basically gave him no choice. I explained that I didn't want the noise of his games to wake Matthew, and if the door was closed, Mummy would not need to come upstairs and keep reminding him to be quiet so often. He protested, but I was firm, and on Day 2 he didn't mind at all. He has been happily playing in there with the door closed since then.
I am firm about the rules. There is no loud talking or shouting, and no jumping or climbing. He does not come out of the bedroom until I come to get him. Mummy will tell him when Big Boy Quiet Time is finished, it's not something Arthur decides. And he has to try to remember to be very very quiet. If he breaks any of the rules I go straight up and remind him not to do those things. If he breaks the rules more than once then I warn him that he'll be disciplined the next time, and then I follow through with that if necessary. He rarely needs disciplining over Quiet Time rules. He generally has lots of fun playing and will stay for up to an hour. An hour was my target, and right now it's my minimum. I don't push him to take more than an hour right now though. Once or twice I have gone to fetch him after an hour and he has said, "But I haven't finished! I'm still playing my car game!" So he stays for another 10 minutes or so. He has to pack up all his cars before he can come downstairs, and he has to do it by himself as part of the Quiet Time. I am intending that starting out strict will pay off! I want no trouble with Quiet Times! I want to start as I mean it to go on. When Matthew gets older, he will have Quiet Time too, but in his own room. I like Sarah's thoughts on the value of learning independent play, and getting space of their own, especially when there are other little ones in the house. For Arthur it has started to mean less frustration (a little, anyway!) over Matthew messing up his lines of cars and things during the day. I simply remind him that when Matthew has his nap, he gets to have Big Boy Quiet Time, and play all sorts of wonderful games with his cars (his absolute favourite thing right now) where Matthew IS NOT ALLOWED to interfere, because it's Arthur's special time by himself. He looks forward to it sometimes for that reason, and he shares the cars much more nicely with Matthew after he has finished his Quiet Time - in fact, when Matthew wakes from his nap, if Arthur is still in Quiet Time, he calls me and asks if Matthew can come in and play cars with him on the bed! Which I always allow, and they have loads of fun. It always ends up with the cars being put away after a short while, and the boys jumping and jumping and jumping on the bed! Arthur calls out breathlessly, "I love jumping! It's my favourite thing to jump with Mashew on the bed!" :) Matthew jumps in the middle of the mattress with no support, but his "jumps" aren't big ones yet. His heels leave the bed, but he stays firmly rooted to the balls of his feet till he overbalances. He sticks his cute little bottom out for added effect as he bounces! He loves to fall onto his bottom and I say, "Boi-oi-oi-oiiiing!!" and he laughs and laughs at the silly sound :) Then they like to play "follow" or "walking follow" as Arthur now calls it, since Matthew likes to mostly walk, from one bedroom to the other. And then somebody usually poos and we all go downstairs for the usual nappy changes and meal preparations! :) I do love my life! It is hard work but I do love it.
Sometimes Arthur DOES get tired in the late afternoon, particularly if he's had a busy active morning or early afternoon. Often in the late afternoon, I am preparing dinner (yay, I'm able to do a bit more COOKING again now that my morning sickness is easing off!), and he will watch CBeebies on the telly for a while. Matthew sometimes watches, but mostly plays on the floor with toys and things, and walks around carrying things (his latest thing - the heavier the item, the better, apparently!). A couple of weeks ago, when he had been a week without naps, I came in to check on the boys and found Arthur in front of the telly like this:
Complete with drool (he's so like his father...)!
I woke him up after I smiled at him being so cute for a while (!) but it still affected his bedtime later.
They were both getting such LONG hair at that point, and really needed haircuts! Neil finally took them to the barbers to have their hair cut, and it seemed so short when it was done! Arthur's wasn't as short as last time, because I asked him to make sure they didn't cut it as short! But Matthew's was shorter than the last time. He looked so much more like a little boy than a baby to me when he came home! Waaah! :( But they both look nice and neat now :) Here's a picture of them playing with cars and shoe boxes (garages!) on the sofa together, after their hair appts:
And here are a couple of rather samey photos of Matthew just about a week ago (pretty much the most recent photos I've taken of him):
Oh, another GREAT thing about me starting to feel better, is that I am able to get back to doing fun crafts and stuff with Arthur when Matthew has his morning naps! Poor Arthur has been sooooo bored lately, and keeps saying, "I want to do something SPECIAL!" Lately we've made weather collages, and pictures of flowers, and tissue paper flowers. Arthur always comes up with what we'll make. He usually randomly says, "IIIII know! Shall we make a daisy?!" like it's the MOST exciting idea he ever had! :) So we make a daisy! I have lots of craft supplies to hand so it's usually straight-forward to make what he wants to make. One morning we baked chocolate fairy cakes! He loved that. And another morning we were watching CBeebies and some children were making hats, so I asked Arthur if he would like to make a crown, and he was excited about that. So we switched the TV off and made a crown together! He wanted to make a GREEN crown, and I got him bits of all sorts to stick onto it, and fixed it the right size for his head. He was sooooo proud and beaming as he wore it after it was finished!
He kept saying, "I think Daddy's going to EVER like this! I think Daddy weew be EVER pleased!" Bless his heart! And he said Matthew would EVER like it when he woke up, too :) Daddy DID like it, so much that he took another photo when he got home that evening, with Arthur's helper in it too!...
I think that's all the photos for now. I just wanted to post a couple of random things Arthur has said recently. The other day the boys were eating lunch, and they had Arthur's chocolate fairy cakes for pudding! Arthur had some crumbs of his cake on the table, and he put his drink down on them. When he realised there were crumbs on the underneath of his drink, he lifted it up and started to lick the underside of the cup. He said to me, "Mummy, I'm licking my cup!" and I was trying to clean Matthew up so I just replied absent-mindedly, "Ohh, that's good..." and he immediately did a sort of exasperated sigh, and then said, "Don't encouwage me!" hehe!
Also, the other day I was in the kitchen and I heard a very audible FART from the living room as the boys were playing with cars together. There was a brief pause, and then Arthur said, "Mashew! Was that your bottom?!" and Matthew did such a cheeky giggle in response, so Arthur joined in! Funny boys :) It has to be said, Matthew is HIGHLY impressed with himself when he farts audibly. *sigh* I don't know quite how he has learned this! He always tries soooo hard to do it again and again, after he's finished giggling from the first one. He goes quite red in the face with the effort! They're not even anywhere near eight years old yet! I can't fathom what I'll have to deal with when they are 7 and 8! It's SO nice that they make each other giggle already though :)
I'm trying to get the boys on video more lately. We ran out of tape for a while, and then while we've been ill or I've been bleeding, we just seem to have been really slack on both taking photos and getting video footage of the boys. I really need to get some good footage of Matthew walking because otherwise I'll miss a WHOLE stage of his development! He walks everywhere, and doesn't crawl much at all any more. He also walks well outside in shoes, and walks quite long distances on bumpy grass and stuff without difficulty. I can't wait till I can go for walks with my little boys, holding one of their sweet little hands in each of mine! I don't think it will be long now before I can.
Okay, I don't think there's anything else for now, and this entry is SO long! I'm so glad to have had the chance to finish all the updatey stuff that I wanted to write last time. And I'll try to come back again soon. My morning sickness is definitely on the way out, so my chance for diary updates will improve now! I need to write a pregnancy one tomorrow though. I can't believe I am 15 weeks already! I have a scan on Monday which I'll update about on the day at the pregnancy diary, too.
Recent entries.....
Moving time... - 2009-01-04
Christmas Eve! - 2008-12-24
Long-overdue update, a few Nathey pics and a video clip :) - 2008-12-01
Lots of news! - 2008-11-03
Nathan at 8 months... - 2008-10-12