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2006-11-07 - 11.00pm previous entry next entry
Two days left...
Ohhhhhh my gosh, he's going to be TWO! I sort of want to freeze time all of a sudden! Two more days of having my little one's age called by months rather than years. Two more days of having two children under two (my most strenuous achievement in life to date!). Two more days until he really really becomes an official "little boy", more than a baby.
But, two more days until I am the proud mummy of a two-year-old! Two more days until I almost pop with proud satisfaction of the fact that I will have reached my original breastfeeding goal of TWO YEARS!!! I am so so so so proud of myself. I know it's not quite time to say it yet, but I doubt he'll self-wean tomorrow (!!), so I really think we are going to make it - two years breastfeeding!!! That's a goal that has taken a long time to wait for. Two years feels like forever. It feels like forever since Arthur arrived. I can't really remember things well before then. I mean, obviously I CAN, but not in detail. I can't remember how I felt without having Arthur around any more. Or what it felt like to wonder what it might be like to be a mummy and have a little one.
Anyway. I can't wait to replace the 18-month breastfeeding milestone blinkie with the 2 year one that I have had waiting for a while!! I have always felt that I would like to breastfeed my children for a minimum of two years. Nothing to do with the fact that it's the WHO's recommendation - it's just my own personal desire. But back in those first few weeks and months with Arthur, I didn't really believe that I'd still be breastfeeding him as a two-year-old. I felt sure he'd self-wean before then - lots of toddlers do. But I remember thinking if he self-weaned before the age of two, I would feel sad, like I never quite made it to giving him ALL that I had hoped, with breastfeeding. Obviously it wouldn't have mattered because he would have had all that he wanted, hence him choosing to wean of his own volition. But anyway. I am pretty sure I'll feel sad when he does eventually wean, whatever his age, but I know I have achieved what I wanted to achieve, for Arthur and for me, if he has been breastfed for two years. So yay! I am so proud and happy and excited to have made that goal after all this time! I hope for the same with Matthew, and any other children that I have, but just as with Arthur, I feel doubtful that Matthew will get to the age of two without self-weaning. Maybe it's just a "thing" that I feel, and it's not true. Although Matthew is different to Arthur with breastfeeding. He likes MEALS, not snacks. If he isn't hungry, he is annoyed that I'm shoving the breast at him (!!), whereas Arthur always eagerly took the breast any time I offered it, hungry or not! Arthur still depends somewhat on nursing to fall asleep at nap time, though he can go to sleep without (after having nursed to get sleepy). Matthew doesn't depend on that, even at his young age. So I think that sets Matthew up for a greater likelihood of self-weaning earlier than Arthur. I still hope we make it to two though!
Arthur is two this week. Matthew is 5 months old next week. Waaah! I know they're both still sooooo little, but it seems like time is just zipping away and they're growing up quickly. It's nice in some ways to leave the terribly hard early months behind, but I miss other things about that stage too.
I am still having good days and bad days. Bad days seem reeeally bad. Yesterday was one. My parents' visit has just vanished and now they're back in France. Yesterday Neil went back to work (he had some time off last week, as well as my parents' being around - it was lovely!), and my Mummy was not here for the first time in a week, and the day sucked and I felt exhausted and yeah. Today is better. We have been to the supermarket, and because Matthew was crying so much in the car, I put them in the tandem pushchair (we have a Jane Powertwin), having forgotten the sling (tsk!) as it would give him a better chance of dropping off to sleep while I shopped, than if he was perched in an uncomfy baby seat on a shopping trolley. People always look when I have the boys in the Powertwin. It's a lovely pushchair and quite eye-catching. It looks very smart! The basket underneath held all the stuff I wanted to buy, and Matthew went to sleep so I ended up deciding to push them into town to let him sleep for 30 minutes or so. I bought a birthday card for somebody special :) And some glue and glitter shakers. I feel a new craft activity coming on for Arthur! He LOVES crafts, and I love that I am providing that kind of fun for him already. We have a lot of supplies. I had been looking forward to doing stuff like that with my kids for so long that I bought or saved things for it long before he was old enough to do it! Now we have marker pens for toddlers, pencils, crayons, TONS of paper (all colours), craft card, stickers galore, playdough and a bazillion cutters, paints and finger paints, paintbrushes and BIG sheets of paper for painting on, and a big floor mat to protect the room while we do stuff! There are more things for sticking and more fiddly crafts that he isn't old enough for yet - some of them are left over from when *I* was little! I loved craft activities with my mummy when I was little.
I bought some black card recently and I have just been waiting for the right moment to introduce Arthur to glue and glitter! Messy, methinks, but fun. He is really keen on stickers right now. He makes pictures with stickers. I just sit him down with paper and spread stickers all around him and he goes right to work, with excited cries of, "Oooh, dee-gers!" I can't wait to do glittery stuff!
I have SO many photos to post, that I don't know what to do about it! Mainly because we had Arthur's birthday party on Sunday, and of course there are lots of photos and some video clips from that. I should post those in a seperate entry, or it will be too long, but I also have a few photos from before the party, during the time my Mummy was around helping me with the boys.
Here is Arthur doing stickers with Nana:
And the lovely Nana with her newest grandson - who has taken to her just as much as Arthur always has!
And a couple of others - Neil took this photo of Arthur being all joyful and proud of a HUGE tower that he built with his mega bloks! Neil said he helped him make the tower stable at the base and Arthur did the rest! He loves to build. LOVES it.
And a photo for my personal records - I have a thumb-sucker! Matthew is using the dummy less and less these days, his choice really, not ours. He doesn't use it much anyway, but lately he wants to suck on his fingers or thumb to help him sleep. He seems to be settling to his thumb. I think it's the sweetest thing! Arthur never did anything like that, but then he literally used me as a pacifier, and I was happy with that. Except for the HUGE sleep deprivation that came with it! I couldn't do that this time, so I wondered if Matthew might self-soothe in ways that Arthur never did. I love seeing him all cosied up to sleep, sucking on his tiny thumb :) Here he is, fast asleep a few days ago in his cotbed:
Okay I guess that should be it for tonight. I wanted to write more and I REALLY want to get that entry up about Arthur's party before his actual birthday. I will have lots more to write about after his birthday, so I wanted to get the party entry done first. But it's late, yet again, and I should call it a night before Matthew wakes for a feed. He is teething pretty badly this week. We have had to give him Calpol most evenings, otherwise he wakes crying by 9pm, poor love. He woke this evening crying anyway, even though he'd had Calpol. He is very windy and archy-backy with his teething, and has a nappy rash too. Poor sausage. His gums are so hot and feel "sharper" than they did a couple of weeks ago. No actual teeth, but urgh, all that moving around in there, it must be so achy and sore for him. I hope it passes soon!
Anyway, must go to bed. I'll try to update tomorrow with the party photos and video clips! And then my baby boy will be TWO! We are doing some special things on his birthday. But I'll write about that tomorrow. I hope I get chance to update tomorrow evening! Thanks so much for the messages - yes, November 5th WAS Arthur's due date anniversary :) It made it feel quite fitting that we had his birthday party that day, even though it was 4 days BEFORE his actual birthday. We've been so busy with birthday things that I have barely noticed Fireworks Night come and go. Lots of noise and stuff every evening, but the boys are sleeping through it so that's good! Okay, must go. Back tomorrow, I hope.
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