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2006-09-05 - 12.31am previous entry next entry
Stomachy_issues,_and_LOVING_Matthew!
It's after midnight but oh well. I am feeling really anxious tonight. I went to the doctor today and she suspects that I have a stomach ulcer. Either that or gastritis. I have to take acid suppressants for a month, but in the mean time I need a blood test for Helicobacter Pylori, to see if I have that bacteria in my stomach which might be causing the ulcer/gastritis. If it's positive then I have to take a yucky course of treatment. Grandoug tested positive for Helicobacter in his stomach a couple of years ago and had that course of treatment and it wasn't much fun. It's two different antibiotics plus the acid suppressant, and he felt very unwell during the treatment and had "shocking diarrhoea" for a couple of weeks, urgh. Apparently that's very common. How fun.
I just hope and pray that it ISN'T Helicobacter Pylori. The doctor said the other reason I might have an ulcer or gastritis would be high stress levels sustained over a long period of time, together with inconsistent nutrition or very irregular meals. Sounds EXACTLY like me for the last 2-3 months! So maybe it is that and not the bacterial thing. I need to take the acid suppressants to allow my stomach lining to heal.
I have been googling Helicobacter Pylori and all that stuff, and it's nothing to WORRY about, but I just feel so anxious today. My stomach hurts more every day at the moment, and today and yesterday I haven't had much appetite. My whole ribcage aches and it bores right through to the middle of my shoulder blades.
But anyway, thank GOODNESS it isn't anything more serious, like anything to do with my heart or gallbladder! I need to count my blessings. But I feel small and scared all the same.
Arthur had an appt right after mine, and I asked the doctor about how he bangs his head SO hard on things. He whacks it on the floor as hard as I can hit with a HAMMER, I kid you not. It's not in anger or tantrum-ness, it's as though something is physically driving him CRAZY. He sometimes bangs his forehead and other times it's all focused on his nose. He also presses and rubs his nose vigorously a lot, so I wondered if he might have an allergy or something. He doesn't sneeze a lot or have a runny nose though. The doctor looked in his nose and said it looked a little red inside, so she is giving me a course of antihistamines for him to take for a week. If they fix it, it's allergy. If they don't, it's not. She did note that he seems to be teething quite badly right now (as he always seems to be!) and told me that when little ones teethe, their gums can tingle and prickle, and in some children, that sensation gets transfused through the nasal cavity and the forehead. So it might just be that sensation that's driving him crazy and making him want to pull his own head off! Poor Arthur, either way!
So that's today. Matthew has cried ANGRILY for hours today. I don't know what's up. I hope I don't have to take alllll those drugs. They are allegedly safe for breastfeeding mothers, but they are still gonna get to him in some form, and I don't want him to have to "get" them.
I am enormously in love with Matthew lately. I mean, Arthur too, of COURSE, but ohhhh my Matthew! He seems just that little bit more vulnerable than Arthur, perhaps just because he's a tiny baby, but mainly I suspect because he's a more vulnerable personality. My heart just scrunches for him all the time and I want to hold him close and snuggle him and kiss him constantly. I love leaning over the cot when he's sleeping in there and just breeeeathing in his smell. I don't love Arthur any less than Matthew. I just have this INTENSITY of the love I have for Matthew right now. My milk lets down just saying his name (seriously) during the evening when I'm downstairs chatting with Neil. I just almost feel suffocated with how much I love Matthew right now. Not in a bad way (which it might sound like with the word suffocated!). Just... WOW. Big love. It has almost been exactly a year since he was conceived. Yesterday I went back through my diaries and read all my thoughts and stuff from around that time, this time last year. We weren't even trying, and we had decided to wait after a chemical pregnancy the cycle before. I kept changing my mind, because I was so excited to have another baby (but then, also completely petrified!). Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my goodness, I am just SO glad that my hormones made me get all in the mood and that thunderstormy evening led to the oopsie that made Matthew! So so so so so glad. He's such a miracle. Such a treasure. I love him so much!
And my sweet Arthur :) All his new words today and yesterday have been two-syllable ones, I have just noticed. Circle, hairband, pattern, downstairs, piglet... I can't think of any others off the top of my head. Ohhh I mustn't get into "mega update" mode!! It's too late. I have to go to bed, but I'll try to do another update soon. I have a few photos waiting to be posted so I'll try to post them soon.
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