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2007-01-27 - 8.39pm previous entry next entry
Personal stuff.... and lots of photos!!
Hello, hello!! I'm still here! Thank you for all the sweet messages after my last entry! It was so nice to receive so much support and understanding about my big changes that I want to make and my new diary thing (don't worry Megan, I haven't been posting more there - in fact I just haven't had time to update either diary). All the advice or thoughts about Matthew's rash were much appreciated, thanks!
We looked at the photos of Jove's rash (thank you Jemma!) and Neil said, "That's it!" but Matthew's rash actually was much milder still, than Jove's rubella rash. So hmmm. I took him to the doctor and of course it all but disappeared in the WAITING ROOM before we went in (you know how these things happen with kids and the doctor!), so I looked kind of silly. There was the faaaaintest remnant of it there, but nothing really to show her. Anyway, she said maybe it was viral - like a couple of you mentioned. That sounds like the most likely thing to me. BUT my GP turns out to be one of those who believes in teething causing all manner of symptoms. Some doctors that is totally not true, so it's hard to know which is right. Anyway, she said teething could cause horrible diarrhoea for ages, till the teeth broke through. Her son (who is 21 months) had exactly that experience every time he got a tooth. Her first child was nothing like that, so she was surprised, but now she knows better, she says. Also she said it's possible that the rash might just be teething related too. I am a bit doubtful about teething causing a generalised body rash, but hey ho. She checked him over and felt his gums and said his bottom teeth are RIGHT there about to break through (still nothing yet though, 5 days later). She said to presume it's all teething-related and not to keep him away from other children, and to give him solids as normal. So there we go. She was pleased with his abcess. We can keep using the antibacterial cream instead of oral antibiotics - yaaaaaaaay!!! It still hasn't cleared up though, so I hope it's actually GOING to. We're still using the cream.
Matthew seemed better in himself the next day, but he is still doing some horrible poos. Not nearly as frequently, but some days he'll still poo like 8 times a day and mostly he has diarrhoea. I just hope he gets some teeth fast so that we can see if it really will get better after that happens. I thought Arthur teethed badly! Poor Matthew. He is absolutely beside himself all the time with his gums and his mouth in general. He has the rough chin and the red cheeks now too. He needs Calpol pretty much every day, sometimes more then one or two doses a day, and this has been going on for several weeks now. The doctor said I can continue giving that to him for as long as it takes to get his teeth, even if I end up giving him the maximum 4 doses in 24 hours some days. Today he doesn't seem all that much improved for the Calpol even. He just bites frantically on his hands (or anything else he can find) until he shakes with the effort :( The Bonjela and teething powders have seemed completely useless for a while now, but he still accepts them readily, and I give them anyway in case they provide him even a little bit of relief. I've been giving him a cold wet towelling wipe to chew on and he likes that too. Poor baby Boo!
So that is the update on Matthew.
Neil's birthday was the day before yesterday! He turned 33. It was a pretty normal day for him. He went to work, came back tired, and then he (well, mostly Arthur!) opened presents and cards, and we lit four candles on a birthday cake (not homemade, sadly) and sang Happy Birthday, and then ARTHUR blew the candles out! He couldn't do it at his own birthday 2 months ago, but he blew them out absolutely perfectly this time, in one go! He wanted to do it again and again, and so we have done the birthday cake thing all over again today when we sat down to eat some cake this afternoon!
Goodness knows what is happening with my cycle! I've had major fertile signs for TWO WEEKS and still nada. Although, the majority of that time the key sign (or so it seems to be for me these days) was missing - the big parsnip drive. That showed up a couple of days ago at last and has gone now (along with all the other signs, literally overnight), so I'm thinking I might have just ovulated. Now I watch and see if my luteal phase is improving. I love watching my cycle! I am charting properly and it's just so much FUN!! I'm silly :) I just like it. My chart says I am 9 days past ovulation though. Stupid chart. I am NOT 9DPO! I will over-ride it if it doesn't pull itself together in a few days, once I know when I have ovulated. Tsk.
Also, postpartum parsnips at LAAAAAAAAAAAST!!! ;) Seven months, gosh. Actually the last time we had parsnips was when Matthew was CONCEIVED (can you believe that?!) so we're talking sixteen months. Oh my goodness!! I have a wonderfully patient husband ;) However, I am glad not to have followed my guilt-trippy feeling about how we ought to be doing stuff again by now, and what's wrong with me? etc, etc. I am just one of these people who is not ready till I'm ready. Before I'm ready, it is NOT a great experience. When I'm ready, well... I wish I had a locked diary for such talk! ;) My new diary isn't actually locked, it's just private-ish because I haven't told anyone the name/url so nobody knows where to find it yet. It's specifically for writing about those four main roles I talked about last entry, so it's where I'll write about moving forward in keeping house, following Jesus, and bringing up my children - it's not another personal diary like this one is. It's written as personally as this one, but it has a specific subject matter. This diary here is my general personal diary. I don't like to lock diaries, personally. I like people to be able to find me. But I do sometimes find it exasperating when I WANT to talk more about parsnips (NOT a blow-by-blow account, of course, hehe! I mean, about the feelings and thoughts related to specific things) but I have NO idea who all reads here.
I am really happy about things in that dept though. Surprisingly so. Here's new motivation for Neil to say yes to having more children (haha!): my hormones (and the things that function under hormonal influence!) seem to get better and more "normal" every time I have a baby. Seriously. Before Arthur - no EWCM. I just had this feeling that the lack of EWCM was delaying conception a little, though everything else checked out okay. I've had the "no parsnip drive" thing for EVER, well, since we've been married for sure. Years. We conceived using Pre-Seed, an EWCM replacement thingy. AFTER Arthur, things seemed to be kick started to more of a normal way to be, hormonally and parsnip-ly. EWCM and parsnip-drive when fertile, for the first time! And Matthew was conceived just like that, with poor timing for conception on the only incidence of parsnips that cycle. But then when I'm pregnant, I am WELL off parsnips.
But now, it's after Matthew. My period has returned and so I wondered what my hormones and stuff would be like this time. BETTER still! I am so pleased!! I am actually beginning to feel.... dare I say it?!.... NORMAL in the parsnip department for the first time that I can remember. I have had 2 weeks of EWCM (which is crazy excessive!) so that hormonal thing is definitely improved for having babies still! Although I think it's only that long because I'm still breastfeeding and my body is trying to ovulate and not quite getting there. Hopefully it's managed it now. And the parsnip drive is *blush* like nothing I've ever known! But only when I'm ovulating. I can't concentrate on anything else for that day or so! ;)Also, I'm always anxious about pain, since I have had that trouble fairly constantly since the start of parsnips way back when. After Arthur I was anxious about it, but it wasn't so bad as I expected. In fact, not too painful at all. This time, NO pain. Nada. Phew! :)
Neil and I are a good team, and we love each other, but without the intimacy it has been like a pair of close friends who live together, with a ton in common. That sort of thing. It's not the kind of love, or intimacy, that a married couple SHOULD have, and it always nagged at the back of my mind. I've long been concerned about how on earth to FIX that. It just doesn't come naturally. We had a year of psycho-parsnip (hahaha, that just tickles me!) therapy before I got pregnant with Arthur, and that was excellent and very helpful. But it just taught us ways to fix intimacy problems (not just the parsnips) and DO the "stuff" but it still kind of felt like we were just doing what we'd been told rather than being led by our feelings and desires. You know?
But I feel so amazingly levelled-out, after sooooo long, just from having had Matthew. My hormones seemed to have been thrown a bit out of whack for the first 6 months and that made me really struggle more than was healthy, I think. But then with the return of my periods, they seem to have fallen back EXACTLY into the right place, for the first time. So far it's still only a couple of days a month that I have a parsnip drive, but when I do, it's so very unlike anything I've known before. Urgh, this is sooooo personal - I don't know why I'm writing it, since it makes me feel a liiittle bit squeamish knowing that people are reading it! But oh well. This is where I write, and it's what I want to write about for now, so there we go.
When we had our therapy, we had to work really hard at kindling ANY sense of intimacy. Mostly it just felt awkward, because it had been neglected for sooooo long. I think we'd had no parsnips for over 2 years at that point, and gradually lost the other physical things like hugs and kisses. So sad :( But anyway, we had to really work at it, and even when we noticed that it wasn't feeling awkward, it still wasn't exactly coming naturally. We were happy enough with the way things were at the end of therapy, and just figured we'd never really be the type of couple who are into having parsnips - that's okay, our therapist told us, so we felt okay about that.
The way I feel now, I'm not sure that I am the same person I was back then, since having children! Who knew that having kids could do that for me?!
ONE parsnip, and it's like I have put on rose-tinted glasses. Neil and I could just spent HOURS just with our arms around each other, and we just spent the longest time with our faces like 2 inches from each other, just staring into each others eyes and smiling. I know, bleurgh ;) But not bleurgh, it was the most wonderful feeling. I just wanted to look at Neil for EVER. I never saw anyone look so lovely. He looked like I don't remember him looking (to me) since we were dating. He looked like a little boy, and my heart was just so tender with love towards his vulnerability, even though he's a man. I wanted to hold his head cradled in my arms and just stroke his hair for however long time lasted. I felt almost exactly the same kind of love for Neil that I feel for my little boys, like for that moment, he was MINE. Mine, mine, mine, and I couldn't get over how BLESSED I was! He was my boy :) I haven't felt that, "You're my boy!" feeling for him since we were dating, like I said. It feels so wonderful!!!
The sweetest thing was that he was feeling the exact same way, so it didn't get broken with "Whaaat?" or "Why are you staring so much?!" or stuff like that! I just kept on saying, "I love you" and he kept on saying it back and I could hear in his voice how much he meant it. I don't think we've even said those words for a long time. It has felt so WRONG, and so we are so relieved that things have changed. After ages of silence, just holding each other and staring into each other's eyes like that, Neil said, "I'm so happy!" and I said I was too, and we hugged and I could have half squeezed him to death, I was just feeling so so soooo happy.
*sigh*
One parsnip! Who knew?! :) So I have high hopes for things improving for us now, especially the role of being Neil's wife. I think it will help me greatly if I really feel so much in love with him and not resentful and other negative things. If I'm in love with him, I have that to focus on when I feel like snapping his head off, right? Maybe I'm being naive. I think we'll have plenty of irritable arguments and stuff, like normal. But I feel better about being plunged back into total in-love-ness again :) It's been so long, and it feels so RIGHT. Hooray! :) I'm so glad, because I SO badly want us to be good role-models to our children. My parents are completely in love with each other. They have always been openly affectionate with each other, and not for ONE SECOND have I ever been left in any doubt of their love for each other and devotion to each other. I never had any anxieties about it, as a child. I have since read that this kind of role-modelling is essential for kids in their home life. It makes a huge difference to their future relationships and to their happiness and security as they are growing up. It helps them to know what it means to be in a loving relationship. I WANT that for my kids. I am so happy that we'll be modelling that as my parents did for me! Yay!
At our recent "marriage MOT" that we did one evening, we discussed a few areas (God, discipline for kids, etc) and got so disheartened by what a mountain it all seemed and how we couldn't seem to fix it, that we just decided to talk about parsnips instead, haha! That had originally been the depressing subject that we avoided discussing, but it suddenly seemed quite an easy one to talk about! ;) We had made a plan to start implementing some of our therapy stuff again, and try to get some non-parsnip intimacy back again. And make sure we hugged and kissed in front of our children. But now things have changed already! I'm so happyyyyyyy! :) Yay for my hormones - they've brought me nothing but JOY since they settled back into place this time around!
Neil thinks we'll definitely have another baby, hehe! ;)
Okay, enough with the personal stuff! I have nearly two hundred photos! Today and yesterday I spent all my available computer time (and then some, I stayed up very late) uploading and resizing, and putting selected ones on photobucket to share here. There are still a darn heck of a lot! I'm not sure how to post them, as there are way too many for one or even two entries. Hmmm. I guess I'll just start. I'm taking a ton of photos all the time at the moment so more just mount up if I don't get the previous ones sorted!
I guess there are a lot of "new" ones of Matthew, because he's doing so much more than he was the last time I posted any photos of him (except the foody ones recently). Let's see....
I need to get him weighed again soon. It's been 6 weeks or so. He's not eating much in the way of solids, just chewing on it and stuff. He swallows more bread than anything else, and crackers. And rice cakes. He chews on other stuff but stuff falls on the floor or he'll spit out a big lump or something. So not as much goes down. I'm not worried about his actual intake, as he should be on 95% breastmilk till he's 12 months really, but I know his weight was low on the percentile chart before. I hope it isn't slipping down. Anyway, he's healthy! He is still a tiny boy but he is definitely growing! He is currently filling size 9-12 month sleepsuits well, and has definitely outgrown the 6-9 month ones, even over a slim day nappy. The feet are too tight on him even. His other clothes are pretty much all 6-9 months. He still wears a few tops from Next that are 3-6 months as they do generous sizes, but even those are a bit short on the arm for him. He has his daddy's incredibly long arms! Neil's sleeves are always too short :)
He's so interested in everything. He is actually a bit of a nuisance around the house now, as he crawls to anything he shouldn't have! He seems to have some sort of radar. We have literally got WALL-TO-WALL toys scattered everywhere, of all types, and other stuff he can get at that's safe, but noooo - Matthew is like a heat-seeking missile for that piece of fluff under the sofa, or the phone cord, no matter how well it has been tucked away, or he'll scratch and scrobble away at the join in the carpet at the kitchen doorway till his work shreds off a few bits of carpet, and then EAT them. Ugh. He'll gravitate towards those little gobs of hair that cling to things when they come out of the tumble dryer, and a loose 2-inch strand of thread on the carpet. He is desperately trying to perfect his pincer grip. I think that's an 8-month milestone, and he hasn't got it yet, but oh gosh I'm not looking forward to when he has! He spends ages on the floor just focused and silent, intent on some tiny crumb that he carefully closes his fingers and thumb on, over and over again. He never quite gets it, but he just practises so faithfully. He is able to pick up larger crumbs and threads and stuff now, urgh. He has a passion for anything PAPER, and will eat mail, tissues (they are his particular favourite), DVD covers, leaflets, packaging, ANYTHING he can get his little mitts on. I always check the floor and put any paper out of his reach, but somehow he still finds something or other. If a tissue finds its way to the floor by accident, I see him drop whatever he's doing on the other side of the room and get this scary eye-popping focused look (!!) in his eyes, and then he'll crawl hungrily towards it as fast as he can go and stuff it into his mouth. He seems to do it as quickly as he can as if he knows I'm already coming to take it away from him and prise his mouth open to whip out the torn off bits! He's an absolute menace with this stuff lately.
We are trying to keep the floor cleaner, or at least crumb/hair-free lately, but this is definitely big motivation for me to get that housekeeping stuff into gear and start something that will mean my home is clean and tidy all the time, and the floors are regularly cleaned and hoovered. Then he can roam to his heart's content. Of course, by the time that's sorted, he'll be cruising and into all sorts of new stuff!
He is sitting wonderfully, and he has been for a few weeks already. I didn't expect him to sit this well till maybe 8 months. I already can't remember when Arthur sat this well, but I do know we had cushions behind Arthur for the LONGEST time, even ages after he could actually sit, because he would still tip back and fall down with a thump. Matthew has NEVER done that, not once. He is too eager to move on and see the next thing, so if he ever falls while sitting (very rare now as he has excellent muscle control if he overbalances, and always manages to steady himself), he just twists as he goes, rather like a cat! He lands on his front or side and immediately flips into crawling position and sets off. Here are various photos of Matthew sitting. I took lots because at the time, sitting was new for Matthew and I was all excited! Now it's a few weeks later and it's rather old news! But I wanted to post my proud Mummy photos anyway :) These were all taken from 6 months and 3 weeks old to 7 months and 1 week old (last week):
Here he is last weekend, upstairs. He was cranky that morning so I took him upstairs to give him a change of scenery. He was VERY pleased! :) He looked around and got very interested in the bathroom as there are lots of bath toys under the sink:
Another thing he liked was the long mirror there - I remember Arthur liked that too (and still does!) but not till he was 10 months - I guess because he wasn't crawling till later or something? Matthew likes to crawl up to it and look at himself (and me):
Matthew has this thing he keeps doing, where he does like a push-up on his hands and TOES. He likes to push his bottom up in the air and straighten his legs out and holllld the position for ages! I don't know why, but he keeps doing it all the time. He'll pause in his crawling to do it, or just go from sitting or lying to practise it:
Funny boy! He also eats his feet a LOT (Arthur never did) and loves it when his brother runs around in circles - something that happens a lot since Arthur is highly energetic and keeps wanting to do such things! ;) He squeals and laughs and just LOVES it!
He is showing signs of wanting to pull up on the furniture (aaargh!), usually because he wants food if we're eating a snack sitting on the sofa, or drinking something, or if we have PAPER up there, hehe! He has tried quite a few times to pull up with his hands. He doesn't quite get his knees close enough to the sofa. Once he figures that out, he'll easily be on his knees peering over the seat. He has done that once, a couple of days ago, but the rest of the time he only gets this far:
I'm somewhat nervous about him cruising! But he's so much steadier than Arthur ever was. I know there'll be the usual bumps and bruises, but I feel okay about him - I know he'll be fine learning to do this new motor skill, etc. I just get anxious about the stuff this eager boy will get into! I just know he's going to be the child whom I come in from the kitchen to find standing on the arm of the sofa one day when the day before he was just crawling about! ;) It makes me nervous...
Now that he's really crawling everywhere and exploring at his own pace, he has discovered that if he crawls through the living room doorway - guess what?! - a whole 'nother world opens up, and he's in the KITCHEN! I love the sound of little hands slapping into the room behind me as I wash my hands at the kitchen sink. I remember LOVING that sound when Arthur first started crawling into the kitchen. I'm so happy to have it ringing in my ears again :) It's such a sweet little sound!
Matthew has therefore discovered the fascination of the washing machine, just like his brother before him :)
And said brother was only too delighted to show him the ropes, being the experienced pro that he is with these things! ;)
I have endless "boys playing together" photos, and also more of Matthew. I haven't really touched on Arthur this entry properly, so I'll save his photos for another entry. Arthur got his second 2-year-old molar this week. His first one is now half-way through and the first corner of the second bottom one is showing now. He is teething a lot this week and twice he has told me his teeth hurt and asked for Calpol. Usually if I ask him if his teeth hurt and he says yes, he refuses Calpol, so I know if it's really hurting him because he asks for it. It's odd to have two children teething so badly! Arthur has really chubbed out cheeks at the moment with his poor teeth. He is drooling like crazy as he constantly has something in his mouth, chewing - mostly his hands or a toy car! He is a bit off his food and wants breastmilk over meals at the moment, but I'm still encouraging him to eat meals. He isn't having much variety right now, and he usually doesn't eat even half of what I give him. But he snacks healthily and gets a lot of breastmilk. I hope he feels better soon! I hope they both do!
Okay I am going to stop for now because this entry is getting toooo long with all the photos and everything. I need to write another one to catch up on lots of stuff, and post more photos. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow? Although, I always say that and then never actually do it! Tomorrow is church - haven't been to church in weeks, as there always seems to be a reason not to lately. Neil often takes Arthur though. I am usually too tired, and weekends are the only times I can sleep in. It's just too precious a time to cram in some desperately needed sleep. But I hate that it's like that. I hate to put anything before God. And it's not about being legalistic about attending church - I KNOW that going to church blesses my relationship with God and draws me closer to him, so I NEED to do it. If I don't, it's harder. Not impossible - I didn't attend church for YEARS when I was housebound with M.E. but I have never ever ever been so close to God in my life before as during that time. But when I'm already struggling in my walk with God, it's a good idea to come alongside other Christians and get exposed to worship and wisdom from the Bible and so on. I just need to get up and go. It's so hard when it comes to Sunday morning though.
Anyway, so maybe we're going to church tomorrow. I can't believe the weekend is going to be over already! It's only just started! But I'll try to post again before the weekend is over.
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