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2005-11-27 - 11.17am previous entry next entry
Financial stuff (sorry, rather dull!)
Oh my gosh, it has been way too long since I updated!!!! I keep wanting to but there just isn't any time. Or there is but I need to eat or sleep. Or I use it to update my pregnancy diary instead.
But sooooooo much has been happening. Thank you so much for all the messages and notes since my last entry, esp those about the photos and videos of Arthur's party! :) I'm so glad you enjoyed seeing them!
Neil took Arthur to church this morning. I'm supposed to be resting, but I suddenly want to "get things done" - tsk! I want to sew and bake but I'll do that another time. I REALLY need to write some stuff here! I will try to be to-the-point - a rare achievement for me, so we'll see, hehe!
Okay, first thing - we are not moving after all. Neil got offered a job in Ipswich, big pay cut, clean air, more affordable housing, job that wasn't exactly what he wants to do but which might get him there eventually. We prayed and prayed about whether we should go or not. EVERYTHING in me was screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, don't go!!! I can't explain why. I talked to Neil about it, but the only explanation we could come up with is that I basically didn't WANT to go. I wanted to stay and nest and have a baby where I feel familiar. I did NOT want to start fresh in a town I don't know, and where I'm not even sure I want to live, with no family or friends for MILES and MILES. Nooope. I got scared. I felt like I barely coped at times with Arthur when he was in his first few months. The health visitor gave me support visits because she felt I was depressed. Suddenly I feared for my sanity doing it all over again (where EVER we are!) and moving to a new place all at the same time. At least here it is my familiar home and a couple of parts of my family are nearby, and my church who we know so well were around to support us. Without those things I feel like I might not make it through without some real problems. Suddenly moving to Ipswich seem like a CRAZY NUTS thing to do.
So we prayed. But didn't feel God was leading us in one direction or the other at all. We kept on praying. Neil's deadline for accepting or declining came, and he stalled them a week, as we had not had sufficient time to work all the financial stuff out.
Oh, that's another part of it. See, somehow we find ourselves really in a mess, financially. If we had moved to Ipswich we would have cleared debts and fixed it all in one swoop, so that was a big pro for going. We made a pros and cons list but it was too equal. Tsk!!! Nothing was helping us choose!
In the end, the second deadline came for Neil to make a decision, and he said, "Okay, let's just go" And that was the point at which I thought, "Ah. In the light of this reality.... I absolutely know I can't do it." I felt bad saying it because I felt selfish and like I wasn't yielding to Neil as the head of this household (which I feel strongly about him being), but I can not explain it. The urge to stay was absolutely uncontrollable. We talked about it a lot, and Neil said wouldn't I just feel this way about ANY move to ANYWHERE at any point in the future? Because we HAVE to move out of London sometime in the next year or two. We can't afford to stay - the houses are just too expensive, and Neil won't get a job in the field he longs to work in, in London. Also we need to find a place to settle and bring up our children, a place where they can be all ready to start school and live in a home that feels like the kind of family home your children will have cosy memories of, one that you can stay in for most of their childhood because there is enough space, and you can have several children before you have to move again.
I think he's right, I WOULD feel this way to a large degree. I am just a home bird. This is my home, and I am just the type of person who hates - HATES - to relocate and have things change. But I know I have to suck it up and get on with it eventually. But the timing.... I figured with the pregnancy and all, it would be better to stay for now. I don't need the stress. I feel so selfish, ugh.
But anyway. Neil's mum felt that it would be a step of faith to GO because the door was open. Neil kind of felt that way too. But, here's the weird thing (or is it? They have both been Christians sooooo much longer than me and so I feel a bit.... like they know better than me or something) - I felt like it was almost a step of faith NOT to go. Neil said he never heard of seeing a door open, having no major reason to stay, and choosing to stay anyway, as a step of faith. He said that sounded faith-LESS. I struggled with it, because maybe I just wanted to stay sooooooo much that I was willing to pass it off as ANYTHING so that it would get us to stay! I really did want to stay that badly.
Urgh. Anyway, Neil turned the job down. RIGHT AWAY, both of us felt fine about it. Neither of us gave it any more thought at all over the next week or two, so that felt good, because if it had been a mistake, I'm sure numerous things would have brought it to mind. It really didn't feel like a mistake to me. It felt like a blessed relief! I felt physically lighter!
BUT. We are right up a certain creek without a paddle, as far as finances go. We exceeded our overdraft limit. Neil's salary NEVER gets us in the black, we always stay in the red even with a nice big lump of money going in once a month. We have crazy credit card debts - I don't even know how they got so scary. Two weeks ago we couldn't make the repayments on the credit cards because we were over our overdraft limit and getting charged crazy huge amounts of money for it. So now our cards are frozen. Neil got paid 2 days ago - hoorah, because at least that frees up some money, even though we are in the red. Every month our outgoings exceed our income so we reach the overdraft limit quicker. Last week we had no money for food at ALL, until Neil unexpectedly found some euros from the last time we visited my parents, and walked two miles to the nearest Exchange Bureau with Arthur in the pushchair, and came back with �136.54p!!!!! Yay! That gave us lots of groceries and a winter hat for Arthur (whose head seems bigger than his age, so the 12 month hat I had ready for the cold weather does not fit him at all!).
For a week or two we have had big stressy discussions most evenings about finances. That has been one major reason why I have had no time to update. We figured we had no choice but to take out a loan, but the idea filled me with DREAD, since my parents have always taught me that a loan is a good way to financial ruin. You're always in debt and you're losing money the whole time. We decided to ask their advice, since they have been in all SORTS of financial crises over the time they were raising a family. Daddy runs his own (now very successful) company, and starting that up was hard financially. So we asked them. They were SO helpful, I mean, amazingly so. And so understanding. I'm so glad we asked them. They were totally non-judgemental, totally giving of their time and wisdom. Daddy offered to have Neil call him any time he wanted to talk about the stresses of finances and earning to bring up a family, etc. Neil has called him twice already! I love my parents :)
We all discussed our options, and when a loan seemed to be the only way, my parents told us that when they were at their most difficult point starting up the business, they took a loan from my dad's parents, which was offered to them with no interest. And they were so grateful and it made SUCH a difference to them, that they have decided to offer the same to us. We talked long and hard about it and decided to take them up on it. It comes with conditions, so that it's a serious arrangement, not just "Oh phew! Some money has landed in our laps! I'm sure we'll pay it back sometime..." We have to cut up our credit cards. Nooooo problem! I'll be relieved to! The only thing standing on our credit cards is the audioblog.com monthly bill - which is where I upload my videos so you guys can see them, and so that I can send them to my parents via email. Daddy said it's such a tiny amount that I should put it on his credit card and buy him an expensive bottle of wine every year, hahaha! ;)
Also we have to set an amount for monthly repayments to my parents, which we'll all agree on based on what we can afford. We have to sell a car - obviously. We are in no position to be a 2-car family. Neil has the little car he drives to work up for sale. I hope it sells fast, and I hope we get what we're asking for it. We need as much as we can get, because it needs to pay for our credit card debts. It may not cover them though. My parents will lend us the difference to cover our debts and overdraft. We still have to pay finances on our family car, but we need a family car. Neil will buy a bike with the first bonus he gets at work (hopefully soon!) so he can cycle to work and cut costs. We cut out some payments on our monthly statements. It broke my heart to cancel my sponsored child payments, but we just have to for now :( I have been sponsoring this child since my teens :( They were so nice about it when I called them, and thanked me for my long term support, and I told them I'll be back when we're more stable financially.
Soooo. That's it really. I can't believe this has taken me the WHOLE time that Neil and Arthur have been at church!! They are back - I can hear them pulling onto the driveway, so I have to go. Sorry this entry is so dry and financial! It was meant to have other stuff to lighten it up! I also meant to say that suddenly another job has come up that Neil could go for, with a HUGE pay RISE, and in the same town in Cambridgeshire that we originally had prepared ourselves to be moving to - one which I feel much better about moving to as well. Also it's right where Neil wants to be in terms of the type of work. So maybe THIS is of God? We have to pray. I don't want to pull a repeat of what I did with the Ipswich job if Neil goes for it and gets offered the job. I wish I had more wisdom....
I will try to write more soon.
Recent entries.....
Moving time... - 2009-01-04
Christmas Eve! - 2008-12-24
Long-overdue update, a few Nathey pics and a video clip :) - 2008-12-01
Lots of news! - 2008-11-03
Nathan at 8 months... - 2008-10-12